The fear is gone.
The hugs are tremendous.
I belong.
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Getting to know people behind a tiny avatar picture and 140 characters does NOT do justice to the person that I’m wrapping my arms around and finally getting to be up close and in their space. It does not to justice to looking into the eyes of someone and know they get me even if just a tiny bit. It doesn’t do justice to hear someone say to you “I’ve been wanting to meet you for so long” and know they are telling you the truth. It doesn’t do justice to see that they are just as excited to meet me as I am of them. It doesn’t do justice to talk about our struggles and triumphs in person over a glass of wine and know that no matter what I say someone is going to say “I remember when that happened to me“
It’s been an amazing 24 hours.
If you’ve been keeping up with my video tweets then you know I’ve been running around getting hugs from everyone I’ve been dying to meet. It’s been awesome. And here is something I didn’t expect: People have been looking for me to hug…WHAT? You mean I’m on someone’s list of must meet? It’s beyond humbling. It reminds me why I continue to struggle on this LifeChangingJourney. It reminds me why I take the feelings and emotions that I carry inside of me and put them into words onto this blog. It reminds me that while I look to those that came before me I also look to those that come behind me.
Today in particular is one of those days where those coming behind me have a bigger impact than those that are ahead of me. One of the highlights for me this weekend is participating in the 5k run they had earlier this morning. I packed my running skirt and saucony shoes. I remembered my body glide and favorite baseball cap. I had a goal in mind of trying to break my personal best of 27:16. I was shooting for anything with in the 26 minute range. When I woke up this morning I didn’t feel confident in being able to do that. Given that life has gotten in the way the last couple of weeks I haven’t run too much. I’ve missed it something awful and I look forward to the day things settle down and I can do what I was born to do: run. However given the circumstance I’m just grateful I’m moving forward to the best of my ability. This morning I was resolved to just being happy with starting and finishing. The best thing about this 5k is it’s not an official race. No number. No timing chip. Just a bunch of fitbloggin people looking to add 3.1 miles to their weekend.
We take off.
I run.
I run fast.
I feel like I want to quit. I feel like I want to walk. My sleep is out of whack and I’m tired. I’m out of breath because I’m pushing too hard. I’m keeping up with the first group of people. I’m not running next to them but I am on their heels. I don’t have any timing apparatus but know that I’m going faster than I normally do just by the tightness in my chest. I spend the entire time trying to keep my breathing under control because I know that if I stop to walk I might not start running again. I feel like this run is never going to end…and then it does. There was a girl in front of me that I ran with the entire time. She was who I was pacing myself with. She had apparatus. She would know my time. We come to the 3.1 mark and I hear her say “24:57”
25:00
I thought this would be the highlight of my weekend here. I wanted to beat my best time. I blew it out of the water by almost 2 minutes. I was super stoked. I thought there was nothing else that was going to make me more proud and more excited of what I’ve accomplished. I wanted this to be about me…
Then my friend Jess showed up.
He’s a big guy. He’s on his own journey. Just being around him the short amount of time I have, makes me honored to call him my friend. While I was standing around feeling like I was going to hack a lung, he was just showing up to the festivities. There was a separate opportunity for people to participate in a one mile walk and that was done and over with. I see him talk to one of the organizers of the race/walk, grab a map and begin to walk away from the crowd. I call out to him and ask him what he’s doing.
“Walking a mile and looking for someone to go with me”
I’m tired. I’m still out of breath. Everyone is standing around congratulating each other on finishing and here is my friend Jess committing to doing what everyone else had already done. He could have blended in. He could have just let it go. He would have done it all alone…
No one is alone on this journey.
Here is my chance to hang out with a great guy and spend a little more time getting to know his story. On the way out we convince a fellow blogger/fitblogger Alan to re-do his mile and join us. For the next mile I get to know these two guys and hear about their struggles and frustrations. We swap sabotage stories. We talk about going after the life we deserve to live and about how it’s hard not to let the present life get in the way. It’s amazing how fast you can come to love someone when you know that they have a hard road ahead of them and in the same instance you know in your heart they are going to be one of those success stories that just blow your mind.
That’s Jess and Alan.
My time means nothing to me now. The high light of my weekend will not be that I came thinking I couldn’t and found out that I could. My high light will be the time spent with these two outstanding men. Reminding me that sometimes I don’t find strength in looking forward but rather find strength in looking behind me. We are not alone on this journey. Take the time to remember where you came from and where you are going. Those coming behind you need you. But truth be told: You need them more.
(Thank you)
I am so jealous! I wish I could join in on the fun and meet all of you wonderful bloggy friends that I follow in this fabulous community!
Really awesome post! I almost got a little weepy there. Have fun at FitBloggin!
Great great post! Your time was excellent, but going off and doing the mile with Alan and Jess was just amazing.
I admit, reading this made me jealous. I wanted to be there to see everyone and walk and chat and share stores. Next year I will be there for sure. To hear you tell this though made me smile and be very proud to be part of this community. I’m also extremely proud to call you a friend!
Thanks Tara!
Thanks for the videos, Tara. I’ve been enjoying them SO much! You guys look like you’re having a terrific time and I’m more jealous than I thought I would be. But I’m really happy for you all! Give Kenz, Colleen, and Jack a big hug from me! And hugs to you!
You are amazing Tara. You are fantastic.
I’m amazed by all that you are doing for other people. Thanks for buoying up others. A lot.
Love it!
*tear*….great post!
I’m going to come find you tomorrow. I kept seeing you today and wanted to talk to you, but I was too much of a fraidy cat. And I don’t know why, because you seem really nice and approachable. I’m just a socially awkward lunatic.
I’m so grateful to have met you. You’re an amazing person and what you did for me will never be forgotten. Yes I would have walked alone but I don’t think I would have connected with you like we did if you hadn’t and to me that is worth so much more than the walk itself.
Thanks again
Jess
@TooBIG
Crying at BWI. AMAZING POST for an AMAZING PERSON.
I am so glad I met you and herd your story- your encouraging words mean so much.
Something that just hit me that I needed to see: When I loaded your page, I saw that you have your weight loss by month on the right side. As I was looking at it, I notice you lost around 9 or 10 lbs a month as you were working on your goal– I have never thought of my weight loss journey in months but as in days and hours. But when I saw your numbers, they reminded me that each month I lose, I am adding up the loss to a bigger total. I need to start thinking about my journey this way– and it took me looking at your site to see that!!!! Thank you!!!! 🙂 AJ/Andrea
I have no words for how strong and supportive you are.
[…] Our tribe is warm, welcoming and MIND-BLOWINGLY supportive. I could ramble (& get choked up in the process) instead Ill just say read this post. […]
This is an excellent post. Thank you for sharing it. I think that it is awesome that you went along with the two gentleman and supportive them. Awesome!!
Congrats on beating your time, inspiring.
First of all, you were on my list of I Must Meets. You know this. And to find you are in person who you are in the blogosphere – supportive and energetic and loving and funny and oh my god sexy – was a highlight of the trip for me.
And I love the story. I love it for you, and I love it for those guys.
Tara…
This rocked my world. I had some of the same feelings as I watched people cross the 5K “finish line” (you know…turn the corner of the hotel) and realize that they might have quit if not for the cheering friends that awaited them.
You are an inspiration and such an important piece of this healthy living community. Thanks for the post!
I wish I had crossed paths with you on my blink of an eye visit to fitbloggin (after it was over) but I did get to meet your friend Jess and he reminded me of my husband with his love for his family and for making the changes in his life he has. I too know he will be a great success story. I did get to see Alan but we didn’t get to speak but I will go over to his blog and check on him 🙂 always great hearing other people’s stories and how it relates to our own. Maybe I’ll get to meet you next year 🙂
I’m totally teared up right now. Too much awesome.
I want to thank you for making my first few minutes at the conference great. I was so shy and so nervous. Your friendly face was priceless.
I am with Mrs. Fatass, you were surely on my must meet list. It was a pleasure to meet you in person. You are a freaking amazing person and I am honored to have met you.
Tara I had no idea!! Your one of us. Wow I wish I would have followed you and got one of those hugs. But after reading some of your posts and seeing your progress page I’m a fan. Will this do? ((((HUG)))) next year for sure…
ps you look fantastic, really you do
Tara,
Seriously you cant be described by words. I was so scared when I walked into that mixer on Thursday night, I looked around for familiar faces and at first I couldn’t find any until I heard you say ALAN. I cant tell you how I relieved I was inside, I walked over and received the greatest hugs from Sharla and you, I knew I would be ok after that.
I really enjoyed the walk I took with Jess and you, it was great conversation and I am so happy we had an opportunity to do that. I cant wait until we cross paths again.
I love you! Alan 🙂
Just catching up on all my reading…and what an awesome post. YOU are SO RIGHT on.. it is looking back, looking forward AND being in the moment! ALL of us, no matter where we are in this journey need that hug and support and a friend to walk with us!
Thanks for being the awesome you that you are!
Lovely, lovely post, as lovely as the writer!! I can’t wait to go next year, you made it more than a conference…. but an experience of a lifetime!
As always you have brought a tear to my eye. Amazing post.
I just wanted to tell you what an amazing friend and person you are. It makes ME want to cry just thinking about how much it meant to Jess for you to be there with him. We are all on different part of our journey but people who have gone through all the struggles and want to help others are such an inspiration and you are definitely one. I can’t wait to go to FitBloggin’ one day!
Amazing and tear-jerking. I have to admit that this is the first time I have been to your blog. We shared a lunch one of the days and chatted briefly about running and I made some comment about being a slow runner yada yada yada and you were emphatic with your response that “YOU ARE A RUNNER”, period, the end. I cannot stop thinking about that moment. I try not to compare myself to others but let’s be honest, it can be hard sometimes. That was about the only time we talked this weekend but I want to thank you. I am a runner, yes I am. I am a runner.
I seriously Heart you, girl. You’ve got a giant heart. The world is a much better place with you in it.
No one is alone. You’re totally making me tear up right now, I’ll have you know. You have such a generous spirit & I’m glad you and Jess walked it out for that mile.
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