Getting back to a schedule (AKA life’s a beach…not really)

Bradenton Beach

This is where I’ve been for the last week. No seriously pretty much on this beach right here. It’s been amazing. Wearing a bathing suit and not having to worry that I’m too fat or that I’m going to over heat because I’m carrying around an extra 120 pound has once again brought me to a place of being humbled at the hard work I’ve had to put into saving my life…

However

Amongst all the good things I’m discovering about going on vacation there is also remembering all the difficult stuff I carry around with me even still.

• My Eating has been a little out of control. I’m staying with my Aunt Kathee and while the house if filled with food that allows me to make good choices there is also many opportunities to make not such good choices. I’ve find myself reaching for chocolate more often then reaching for fruits and veggies. I am eating more mindlessly than I have in a long time. Snacking when I’m not hungry and even when I ask myself “Tara are you hungry enough to put this (insert food here) into your mouth?” and I know the answer is no, I’m still eating.
• I’m eating out of stress. Being around my family isn’t easy. We are all very separate people with very different lives and when we come together it can be a little difficult to adjust. Something is taken out of context or perceived to mean something when it doesn’t mean that at all and I find myself reaching for whatever I can put in my mouth and have done it multiple times this week.
• I’m making food choices based on what other people are eating. My brother doesn’t have the best food habits. In fact they kind of suck. Pints of ice cream can be devoured without thought and I’m finding myself jealous that I no longer eat that way. So I make excuses “I can eat this ice cream because it’s not a pint” “I can have a second helping because it’s not as much as what he’s eating”, “I can eat (insert food here) because at least I’m going to go running in the morning”…
• The urge to weigh myself everyday has been extremely strong. I’ve managed to only do it once but every time I see the scale I’ve had to stand in front of it and have a semi long conversation about how I don’t need to know what my weight is. I’ve had to remind multiple times that even if I did get on the scale it wouldn’t be accurate because there are other factors to take into consideration: plane, heat, different scale.
• Not having a schedule is throwing me off emotionally. I miss my room. I miss my stuff. I miss my car. I miss the comforts of knowing what I’m doing and exactly where I should be at any given time.

All that being said you can probably deduce I’m ready to go home. Vacations are grand and seeing my family has been awesome but truth be told I am ready to get back to where I belong. Ready to get back to my schedule and making healthy choices. Ready to get back to the gym, boxing and Godfather. Ready to stop eating mindlessly and be present 100% in the choices I am making…

Vacations are Grand

Home is Better.