A Letter to Ragnar and Team Optimus Prime…

Let's run this bitch!

In three weeks five of my crazy running buddies and I are going to do something most people only dream of: We’re going drive to Blaine Washington (the border city to Canada) and for the next 36 hours we’re going to run our fucking asses off for 187 miles.

Non Stop.

A few days ago I received an email from the staff at Ragnar. They are putting a call out to hear our stories. They want to know why we’re running this crazy ass event and instead of sending an email I thought I’d write an open letter to them and to my fellow runners and volunteers that will be spending what is likely to be one of the most pivotal events of my life.

So let’s get started…

Dear Ragnar: Even as I start to write down my reasons for showing up to the starting line on July 22, 2011 the tears start to fall. It’s best for me to explain to you why showing up with an ultra team of runners and the special volunteers that have agreed to help in my favorite form of writing: bullets!

• I’m running because not that long ago I was morbidly obese, weighing in at 270 pounds. Having just turned 40 I thought my life was as good as it was going to get. I was chronically depressed, addicted to video games and would rather spend 8 hours in the made up reality of World of Warcraft and shove crap in my mouth than break a sweat being outside. Little did I know that not long after my 40th birthday I would be having a conversation with some colleagues of mine and decide that enough was enough. I would start small (taking the stairs instead of the elevator) and build from there. Stairs led to short lunch break walks. Short walks led to longer morning walks. Longer morning walks led to running a block. Running a block led to running a little longer. Running a little longer led to running a lot longer…110 pounds later I am who I am meant to be. The person showing up to your starting line on the 22nd is the person I’ve searched for my entire life.

• I’m running because today I left my house this morning and ran even when I didn’t much feel like it. On my route I saw a woman who was so large she had to lean back in order to put enough force into her swing to move her legs forward. While I was never close to being that large, the lifestyle I chose to lead before this life changing  journey began was one that could have easily had my face on her body.

• I’m running because I bring with me six people who I care deeply about along with two others I think will quickly become just as important to me by the end of the 187 miles we collectively will run together. Sharla, (runner #6) our team captain who I met at the beginning of this journey through blogging and was lucky enough to live just in the next town over. She has inspired me to be a better runner and to look at the world with one eye of sarcasm and one eye of humor. Brandon, (runner #4) who is like a younger brother to me.  We both started the journey of changing our lives and chasing what we deserved at the same time. We’re both on the other side of success when so many of us fell off to the way side and for that I am so stinking proud of him. Mac, (runner #3) who I’ve never met in person (that’s going to change in a few short weeks) but has given me more support on this journey than most people standing next to me in real life. It’s hard to explain how you can care for someone you’ve never even hugged in person but then not much about this journey is easy to explain. Meegan (volunteer #1) who has shown me that hard work and perseverance pays off in not only finding happiness with one self but also in finding it in someone else. Jessi (volunteer #2) who is not long on her own journey but knows this is one worth fighting because she deserves it. Michael (volunteer #3 – who wanted to run this damn race with us but couldn’t) who has seen the changes in me from the beginning and is a constant source of much-needed encouragement (and the occasional 90 minute massage!) and finally Lindsay (runner #2) and Ryan (runner #5) who are joining this troupe not knowing anything about who we are but putting faith in us that we will come through for them in the same way they will for us. I will not be the fastest runner of our team. In fact, by the end of my third leg I could very easily be the slowest but what I can promise to do is A) Start B) Finish and C) Love every second of it even through the countless tears and obligatory eff bombs.

• I’m running because some day someone who will be at a crossroads in their life. They will need to choose between dying a slow and depressing death being bogged down by labels like “morbidly obese”  or standing up and taking control of what is right in front of them: Life. When the day comes that they choose life, someone is going to point them in my direction. They’re going to see that anything is possible when you want it so bad you’ll do anything to get it…even run a 187 mile relay.

• I’m running not because I want to but because I need too. My body wants to know that it’s capable of doing this. Every day it asks me to push it farther, work it harder, and make it stronger. Everyday it wants to know what it’s like to move and sweat. It spent too many years sitting idly by for my brain to draw the line and say enough was enough. It longs to prove to my heart, mind and soul that it is capable of doing some pretty amazing shit.

• I’m running for anyone that has wondered what if….the answer is undoubtably yes

So you see Ragnar staff there are so many reasons why I’ll be strapping on my running shoes and donning my favorite running hat July 22nd and stepping up to that starting line at 7:30 in the morning and for the next 36 hours running towards something much bigger than a finish line…

I’m running towards Life.

GO TEAM OPTIMUS PRIME!

(187 miles or bust)