I don’t blog much about my life these days.
When I first started “A Life Changing Journey” back in February (ish) of 2010 (back then known at 263andcounting) I blogged daily about what was going on with me. I wrote about my workouts at the gym, my attempt to complete the couch to 5k program and the foods that I ate. I talked a lot about my struggles with daily living and being surrounded by an environment that made it difficult and some days down right painful to make the choices that lead me down a path of weight loss success.
I still write about my struggles but it’s more geared towards those that take a few minutes to read what I have to write. I weave my words to capture my reader(s) into understanding that this journey that we’re all on (whether it be weight loss, ending depression, making hard choices, standing up and taking control) is a journey that is shared. I blog to help those coming behind me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you just keep moving forward.
Personal blog posts are few and far between.
I have a lot going on in my life and it’s been a long time since I sat down and just wrote about what’s going on with me. Today is going to be that post. There won’t be any monumental message here. No pat on the back or a gentle push forward. No “hey we’re in this together” or “you deserve to love yourself”. No “I understand your struggle” or “let us love you until you learn to love yourself”. No talk of a past that shaped who I am today. No words of wisdom…
Just me.
(bulleted style!)
- As I write this I am carb loading like a mother fucker! Why? Because I’m about to strap on my running shoes and do one of the scariest things I’ve ever done in my life: I’m running 18 miles: at once. I know there are some of you that will say “Oh for the love of all that is pure Tara, you did Ragnar Ultra style and ran 31 miles back in July”. I know I know it sounds silly but trust me when I say this is not the same for me. It might have been harder physically to do what I did in July but emotionally this is tougher. I know I can run 13 miles without stopping. I know I can run 31 miles when it’s broken down into three segments over a 187 mile relay race. What I don’t know is if I can run more than 13 miles without stopping and by the time this blog post is published I’ll be well on my way to finding out for myself if I can do this. This is the milestone I need to get to in order to move forward to the illustrious 26.2. I’m pretty sure I have my first marathon picked out but first I need to spend about 5+ hours in the woods proving I can do 18.
- The Point Defiance 30k race that I’m doing this weekend (and quite possibly while you’re reading this) is going to be my last big race of the year. This has a lot of significance for me: it will be my last monumental race in my hometown (where I’ve lived my entire life) and for the first time since I’ve started running I’m going to just run for pure pleasure and not because I’m training for something. I may do some themed holiday races but there will be no double digits racing for me until I am settled into my new home in Halifax.
- I’m approaching my one year weight loss maintenance “anniversary”. This time last year I was getting close to the 100 pound weight loss bench mark and even though I continued to lose up to 120 pounds it was the 100 pound mark that was the most important to me. November of 2010 is when I stepped on the scale and looked down and for the first time in my adult life entered the medically approved category of “normal”. For the past year I slowly moved away from the weight loss journey trying to figure out how to live in a body of normal size, deal with the demons that don’t just disappear because I can slip into a size 8 and come to terms with the idea that I will always battle those demons because they come to me even a year later stronger and more determined than before. I’ve spent the last few months getting used to the idea that my body weight fluctuates and what I thought was a number I wanted to be at may in fact not be the number my body wants to be at. I spent the last few months going back and forth between wanting to count calories and just wanting to eat, wanting to weigh myself daily out of fear and challenging myself to stay off of the scale for over a month now. I am no longer on a weight loss journey, but I am still on a journey.
- The official countdown to moving to Halifax has started. I just came back from my first visit and am patiently waiting for December 7th to arrive so that I can go and pick up Meegan from the airport and make the final preparations to our drive cross country back to our home. I have been in our apartment, I have walked in my neighborhood, and I am ready to go back. This brings up a whole new wave of emotions: leaving what I know and jumping head first into so much unknown. I’ve never lived anywhere else but here in my neck of the woods. I’ve never lived more than 30 minutes from the very house I was raised in. Moving to a new state is one thing: Moving to a new country is another. Meegan and I are doing everything we can to make this transition as smooth as possible. We looked and found our apartment together (via skype and pictures but still together), I spent Canadian Thanksgiving with her in our new home. I worked out with her trainer (who will be my trainer) and we even ran a race together (Valley Harvest 10k). I’ve been in contact with a running group (Heart and Sole) as well as made contact with a few interpreters in the area. I feel a sense of urgency lately to see people and go places that I haven’t been too now that the days are ticking away. I am also feeling a sense of detachment to my current home as I dwindle down my belongings and a stronger sense of longing to my Halifax home as I once again resume my marriage through skype.
- I left my gym for good. I didn’t wait for my membership to run out before finding a new place to leave my sweat. I’m doing a combination of boot camp / crossfit and it has been amazing. I’m back to pushing my body to the limits and loving every minute of it. Even when I’m too sore to get out of bed.
- I am officially ending my “great stair climb of 2011” goal. I made it to just over 60% or 8400 floors climbed. Ending my gym membership put a damper on completing this goal and I’m not about to cry over not climbing the 13, 428 floors I had originally set out to climb. Seriously.
- Life in general is pretty fantastic.
Right now you are an hour and a half into running your longest consecutive race ever. 18 miles. I’m sitting in our apartment in Halifax thinking of you and knowing in my heart you will conquer this challenge just like you conquer all of the others put in front of you. Your accomplishments never cease to amaze me. Your goals never cease to inspire me. Your love for me never ceases to lift me up. I would say I am lucky, but you’d tell me I’m just deserving. I’m so proud of you.
Our countdown to December 7th is on, I know it will pass by quickly (even when it seems like forever), and I hope in my heart you’ll have the opportunity to visit with everyone important to you before our cross-country journey begins and see the things in your native WA you need to see to bring with you in spirit to our new home together.
Halifax and I are waiting with open arms.
xo
Good Luck on your Run today. While you are not sure you can do it, I know you can!
I am uber proud of and happy for you. 🙂 Kick ass, today!
It’s not really a huge secret (because I have a blabberblog) that my life has come unravelled. And you probably don’t know how much reading your words helps me move forward. When I want to check out of the mess I have some Tara-ism that pushes me into something physical.
Then come the endorphins.
Then comes a period of time where I actually feel like things will get better again.
Which I know they will. But it just doesn’t always feel that way.
Anyhow. I love seeing you happy.
Life is awesome for you right now! So glad you’re happy! 🙂
Hi Tara, brand new to your blog via Jenn’s link on Mary’s site. (gotta love the blogging community webs!). Just have to say congrats and tell you what an inspiration you are. Your dedication to fitness is inspirational. I have to share too, I clicked on Meegan’s site, saw your wedding pictures and offer not only my congratulations but tell you have lovely the shots are. AND…your marriage commissioner (Anne) is the same woman who married my husband and I 6 years ago. All the best on your journey eastward, I look forward to reading about you and Meegan’s life and fitness!
Just so you know, even when you’re not trying to be inspiring, you’re inspiring.
All of us who read your blog, we don’t care if you’re talking about your journey or talking to us directly. Knowing that you have gone before, that you have battled your demons–are still battling them–and come through it shining and strong, that’s why we love you.
We are all always on a journey. I look forward to watching yours–and mine–unravel.
Good luck on the run today! What an accomplishment.
I’m so excited to read your adventures as you move from my favourite west coast city up to the place where my family has a summer home. Nova Scotia is so so lovely!
[…] back through. It caught my eye through a tweet last night, I bookmarked it, skimmed it, and I found this post by the author, Tara. (Tara, if you’re reading, you’re fabulous!) Tara writes, For the […]