An Unexpected Gift…

It’s Christmas Morning.

My husband had to work today so I’m sitting here in the early morning hours a little lonely. Dogs sprawled on the floor and couch with a roaring fire keeping us warm. House a little messier this morning than it was yesterday as we got ready to leave to spend Christmas Eve with my husband’s parents and sister. Remnants of wrapping paper, gift boxes and stockings strewn about waiting to be cleaned up and put away so that we can say goodbye to another Christmas, and prepare for coming New Year…

I really should be cleaning.

I should be filling the dishwasher.

I should be making the bed.

I should at least be drinking some coffee.

Instead I’m looking at one of my Christmas gifts from my husband.

Knowing we were going to be spending Christmas Eve with his parents we took most of our gifts to each other with us to open with them. All except the “Big One”. You know, the one that you really think is going to be a home run in the gift department. The one that is just as exciting for you to watch as they rip it open and proclaim “BEST GIFT EVER”. The one where you silently pat yourself on the back and think “Yep, I’m a rockstar”…

Funny thing.

The home run gift my husband got me, wasn’t the one he thought it was. Oh now don’t get me wrong, his initial “home run” gift is just about the coolest thing I could ask for. I had no idea he was even paying attention (husbands actually pay attention?!!?) when I happened to mention a while back that I wish I had a Garmin for running. It’s the latest and greatest gadget and to know me is to know I love my gadgets. I definitely proclaimed “BEST.GIFT.EVER” as I looked inside the gift box.

However…

The home run gift, the one that brought tears to my eyes, the one that makes me grateful to be the wife of a man that loves me immensely is the box in which he lovingly placed that Garmin.

“For every time you choose to pass”

“For every ounce of food not eaten”

“Just keep swimming”

“For every green veggie on your plate”

“For Caring”

“For jumping in head first”

“For being creative”

“For helping so many others”

“For every time you smile”

“For trying until you’re successful”

“For every time you say Thank You”

“Because I am proud of you”

“Because you are proud of yourself”

“Because you are my hero”

“Because you work hard and deserve it”

“Go Tara Go”

“Because you are amazing”

“Because you love and the world loves back and I will love you forever”

Best. Gift. Ever.

I’m at a loss for words to describe what it feels like to read words like his and to know that they are for me. To know that I’ve made enough of a difference in my life that it has affected the lives of those around me and especially the life of my husband is almost too much for me to think about. It brings up so many different emotions that all I can do is sit quietly and allow the tears to fall on this quiet Christmas morning.

I won’t lie: They are not all tears of love and joy. They are also tears of frustration for having let myself go for so long before I decided to get up and move. Tears of sadness as I remember the person that used to inhabit my mind, body and spirit. Tears of anger as I think about a childhood that took my innocence, my love for life and how hard I had to fight as an adult to get back to a starting point worth fighting for. Tears for all the emotions I denied myself for so long…

Above all tears of JOY and LOVE.

Today I will spend the time alone, cleaning up my tiny little house. Throwing away wrapping paper and vacuuming up the tinsel. In a few days, life will return to its hectic schedule. Bills to be paid. Work to be done. The Christmas decorations will go back into the storage for another 345ish days and we will once again be on the hunt for the “home run” gift for 2011.

Sometimes its not the gift you put in the box that is important.

But rather the love that surrounds it.

Merry Christmas.