Frustration is easier than Guilt

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The other day I was having lunch with my super good friend Kelly (Starting My 45th Year) and we were talking a number of things you usually talk about when you haven’t seen each other in a while and you both are on your own Life Changing Journey: Relationships, food, weight loss, dealing with changes and just general “what’s going on with Life” stuff.

During our conversation we started talking about how it’s easier to be frustrated over a situation than deal with the guilt when it comes to making a decision that include other people. In both of our lives we’ve allowed choices to be made that included other people and what they wanted instead of what we really needed to do in order to move forward and in the end it resulted in feeling angry at the other person and angry at ourselves for not remaining true to what we wanted / needed.

Guilt is a very powerful persuader.

It’s easier to deal with the frustration when important people in our lives are continuing to make unhealthy food choices when all we are trying to do is cut down on fats, count calories and keep healthy options in the refrigerator.  We feel guilty for asking people to make changes with us. We feel guilty that we want to make life changes. We feel guilty that in order for these life changes to take place, we have to put ourselves first. Guilt keeps us from asking for what we want. Frustration is so much easier to deal with but eventually frustration leads back to a path of self destruction. We stop making the healthy choices and go back to stuffing our faces with crappy food.

It’s easier to deal with frustration when our lives are so busy with kids, jobs and spouses that we feel like we can’t ask for some time alone to get outside and move a little more than we normally do or get to the gym for a class we’ve been dying to take. We feel guilty for wanting to take time for ourselves to break a sweat, to do something that is solely for our benefit. Instead of asking for what is necessary we sit on the couch with the rest of the family.

Guilt is killing us slowly.

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Guilt kept me from making the much needed changes that should have happened long before they did. I was afraid to change my life because I knew in the end it was going to hurt someone else. It was easier for me to be frustrated with myself and with those around and continue to make bad choices for myself. It wasn’t just in relation to food and losing weight. Not wanting to deal with the guilt of taking care of myself first and foremost seeped into every aspect of my life way before I decided to take control and shed the fat.

What I’ve learned, now that my head is more clear about the importance of taking care of myself was that the frustration was just as detrimental to my well being as avoiding whatever guilt I thought I would have to face. I chose to make bad food choices because it was easier to be frustrated. That frustration however led me to weigh 270 pounds and to have a size 24 waist. I chose to be lazy because it was easier to be frustrated instead of feeling guilty because I didn’t want to be sedentary any longer. That frustration however led me to be addicted to World of Warcraft and completely disassociate myself from my environment. I chose to stay in a relationship longer than I wanted because it was easier to be frustrated. That frustration however led me to hurting someone that cared deeply for me instead of freeing ourselves to find happiness.

Frustration is not easier than guilt.

They are both feelings that bring about negativity and ultimately sabotage our ability to be truly happy with who we are, where we’re going and what we’re trying to accomplish.  Taking control of our lives should always come first before anything else regardless of how we think other people will feel or how they will react. In the end, it’s our own fear of what we think they will do, say, act that causes them to do just what we imagined they would do.

In the end it’s our own fear that causes us to think, say and act in ways that keep us from succeeding.

Frustration.

Guilt.

They don’t belong.

You belong.