Isn’t that the question we all dread?
For the last 10 months I’ve been consumed with counting calories, moving more and eating less, taking control of my life, looking at my past to move towards my future, learning to accept all parts of me (emotionally, mentally and physically), challenging my beliefs of who I thought I was and working towards that arbitrary number of 170. I spent the last month or so hovering between 172 – 176 and almost gave up the idea that I could ever actually reach that number. Plateau or mental brick wall or whatever you want to call it, it helped me see things a little more clearly about what this journey really means to me.
This journey isn’t about what I weigh anymore. I hit the goal. It’s a healthy weight. I have to take into account how much extra skin I have when I am deciding what my end goal weight looks like. I may shoot for 165 but for right now I’m content with how I look and as far as that extra skin goes; I’m going to wait a year from now to see what weight lifting can do to tone up all the loose stuff hanging around my thighs, my stomach and under my arms. If there is no vast improvement then I’ll consider cosmetic surgery.
For 10 months I’ve been going down one path and now I find myself at the end.
Or is it?
I’ve lost weight before but never were those weight losses a journey like this. A journey of life changing proportions. A journey of self examination and proclamation that I am worth every tear, laugh, frustration, break-through, set back, and leap forward. I am worth every pound loss and every lesson gained. Along the way I’ve also learned that this journey is just plain about living life. It’s not about sitting on the couch and aimlessly surfing the television stations looking for something to watch to take my mind off of what’s really going on. It’s about finding out what’s really going on. It’s about building a friendship with the person that waited patiently inside of me but now lives out here in the real world as a part of me. It’s about letting myself go and being vulnerable to the world because over the course of the last 10 months, the world has shown me that it wasn’t them that hated me…
It was me that hated me.
The old me.
To say this journey was only about weight loss would be a joke. This was about coming to terms with what kind of relationship I had with myself and then deciding that it was just as much of an abusive relationship as if I was standing in front of me with my fist raised in anger. This journey was about finding out that I can, then having the strength and determination to go out there and NOT show the world but rather show myself that I can.
And the great thing about that?
The journey is NEVER over.
I was so afraid of getting to that number of 170 because I was concerned with the “now what” portion of this journey that I never realized there is no “now what” problem? There is only WHAT’S NEXT? Yes, I got to goal weight. Yes that is stupendously awesome! But you know what else I picked up a long way?
A love of running.
A love of being physical.
A love of being outside.
A love of being around people.
A love of interacting with the world around me.
I picked up a love of challenging myself to push past the “oh hell no’s” and see the possibilities of “OH HELL YES!” I picked up a love of challenging others to see their own potential and then walking together along their journey and seeing them come to the same realization that they can and will succeed. I picked up a love of building an army and knowing some day that army is going to change the world (even if that world is just me).
Goal weight has arrived but it is no where near the end of the journey.
This is only the beginning.
I have muscles to build.
I have finish lines to cross.
I have lives to save.
Are you focusing on the end of the path? Have you slowed down because you’re afraid to get there and come to the dreaded “now what” sign? Can I tell you a secret? I’ve replaced that “now what” sign with a “WHAT’S NEXT” and the road goes on forever…
So tell me: what’s next?
I remember that exact feeling, once I hit my Weight Watchers goal 2 months ago. While, I’d hit my Weight Watchers goal, I hadn’t hit my personal one yet. I still wanted to get down 15 pounds. I still have 11 to go now. What’s next for me? Toning my body, and keeping up with staying healthy… and… trying to have a baby :=) So yeah, while “I’m done” I definitely not DONE!
“There is no “now what” problem? There is only WHAT’S NEXT?” That’s the truth if I’ve ever heard it.
I was just talking to my trainer about you Thursday. About how far you’ve come, and what your calling will be for the next leg of your journey. And I don’t know the answer to that, but I DO know this: part of it will be helping other people in some way. That is as much a part of you as anything else.
I am SO excited to see what’s next for you, and for all of us. I can’t wait.
Tara YOU will save lives. You, in my opinion, hit the nail on the head..not just about weight but addictions in general (if there is such a thing)…..it is about coming to terms with the relationship with ourselves and learning to take the steps to stop the abuse we give ourselves. I have recently seen this for what it is within myself. Just getting through life instead of loving myself enough to WANT to live through my life….
You can give up that thing outside yourself that you *think* gives you pleasure in the moment (the escape) but it is not until you find ways of living that you *know* gives long lasting pleasure (finding the you within) that is living life.
THANK YOU for all you share!
What’s next? Good question. Gonna keep kicking ass in and out of the gym. Making a difference in other’s lives. Loving. Being strong. And knowing the rest of my weight will keep coming off.
You are kick ass!!!!
its so cheesy but so true for me that the older I get the more GRATEFUL I AM that the road seemingly goes on forever.
Dear T –
What is next? Only so much goodness we can’t even imagine. You are building muscles and crossing new finish lines everyday. And whether you know it or not, you’re helping to save lives everyday too. Its like our destiny. I had all of this awesomely insightful stuff to say, but instead of my brain letting me type it all out for you – I’m all thumbs. So just know this – I’m so excited and proud for you/of you. I can’t wait to see what’s next…for both of us!
Holy crap.
What’s next? Right now, I’m so far away from my What’s Next that I’m still excited about it. I expect fear will set in someplace closer to that magic number, whatever it ends up being.
What’s next? I’m sure you’ll keep doing what you’ve been doing all along. Impressing the hell out of a lot of people with whatever you do next. 🙂
Tara, I’m not sure. I know for me, when I get to my goal of 170 (20 more pounds btw), I am going to shift my focus to reducing my body fat % to between 10 and 12% to try and tighten up some of my loose skin.