With the extra time on my hands I can go back to adding to my TTHA (Tara Tested Husband Approved) page. This time I picked a recipe out of the July/August issue of Clean Eating magazine. I love this magazine as I’m sure many people out there love it. I’ve decided to go ahead and get a home subscription instead of scouring the magazine rack at my local Borders waiting (sometimes not so patiently) for the next issue to come out.
I changed the recipe just slightly. I added red pepper for color (and because it’s what I had in the fridge after realizing I forgot to buy an onion while at the store). I skipped the salt that it asked for. I’m a big proponent of the “add your own salt” way of thinking. This way nothing comes out tasting like you just bit down on a salt lick. Finally I added more chicken than what the recipe called for since I have a husband that likes his meat and this whole switch to clean eating is about making things I’m pretty sure he’ll like but also giving it to him in portions where he feels like he’s actually eating something substantial. With that being said, the calorie count is a little higher (about 150 calories per potato higher) but in the end that little extra goodness made this is a TTHA recipe that was a hit.
The ingredients:
Yep that’s pretty much all there is to this recipe. I forgot get that red pepper in the picture only because I hadn’t realized yet that I needed that darn onion and the red pepper hadn’t popped into my head as a good substitute. The spinach of course you can buy pre-washed / pre-packaged but it’s cheaper if you buy it in the bunch form. Blue cheese and cream cheese can always be bought in the light form.
- Chicken breast (I used 1/4 breast for each potato half).
- 2 Russet Baking potatoes (If you have more mouths to feed = more potatoes).
- Spinach (You can never have enough spinach so desired amount is up to you. I used the entire bunch).
- Red pepper
- 1/4 c blue cheese
- 2 tbsp of cream cheese.
- Lemon (1 tsp lemon juice)
- Pepper to taste (we use a lot of pepper in this household)
The longest part of putting together this recipe was baking the potatoes. It took almost 90 minutes to cook these bad boys. Poke them with a fork, wrap them in foil and bake at 400 degrees until tender. You’ll need to let them cool down before doing anything else with them so take this opportunity to go break a sweat to a yoga video or get on that treadmill for a bit!
Once they are cooled you can move onto the rest of the process.
Prep your red pepper and spinach and blue cheese / cream cheese.
Remember if you use fresh spinach then you’ll need to thoroughly clean each leaf. It can be time consuming so if you want it to be more easy, just buy the bagged spinach. Cube your chicken and cook with 1 Tbsp of olive oil. If you want to skip the calories, then use a non-stick spray but hey who doesn’t love olive oil. Once the chicken is cooked, add the red pepper and spinach.
Cut your potatoes in half and scoop out the center so that you have about 1/4 inch shell. Mash the potatoes in separate bowl. Add the chicken / red pepper / spinach to mix then both the blue cheese and cream cheese and lemon juice and mix well. Spoon that delicious mixture evenly into the 4 potato shells and place into baking dish (you should spray the baking dish with non-stick if you have it).
Bake at 400 degrees for an additional 10 – 15 minutes (thoroughly heated). Right before serving add a few crumbles of blue cheese on top cause seriously, can you ever have enough blue cheese????
Enjoy!
Serving size: 2 filled halves
Calories: approx 396
Fat: 4 g
Sat Fat: 2 g
Carbs: 40 g
Sugar: 2 g
Protein: 40 g
Sodium: 219 mg
Cholesterol: 25 mg
I’ve got so many thoughts going through my head I had to actually make a bullet list on paper to make sure I kept the scrambled mess in some sort of cohesive order. I’m using the computer at the library and have about 50 minutes to get all this out onto this blog before some crazy ass flashing light comes up on the screen and tells me to vacate the premises. I’m here for two reasons: One to get used to taking advantages of the free services my local library offers and two because I owed a $.20 fine from the last books I checked out. Go me for making sure my fines are paid!
Okay so first train of thought: I am ready to make the switch from Superman to Coach Chuck. It was a hard decision to come to but I feel okay with the process. I still don’t know what is going on with Superman but I’ve gotten word that he is alive (I did have my doubts) and since no one knows when he is coming back, I’ve decided it’s time I move on. I didn’t make the decision purely based on Superman disappearance but also on what I think Coach Chuck can offer me over the course of the next three months. I’ve trained with him twice and how he talks to me is a big factor in making the final decision. He uses words I need to hear now. Words that I’ve used since the beginning of journey. He says things like “Your body wants this”, “this is all a mental game, don’t let the mind control what the body wants”, “You want this? You work for it”. In just the two times we’ve worked together he has pushed me to what I thought were my limits and then he pushed me past them. Both Superman and Coach Chuck are all business but there is something else in Coach Chuck that I didn’t find in Superman and that’s a desire to push as hard as possible and then push again because everything is possible.
I seriously wanted to throw up after 10 minutes of our 60 minute session. It’s a series of what I can only describede as some crazy form of crossfit stations that go something like this:
(all 45 seconds each station)
- Bench Press
- Bench Squats
- Kettle Ball Throw
- Core Knee Pulls (push up position, feet in suspension straps off the ground and then pull your knees into stomach)
- Vertical Jumps (alternating left/right position) onto step
- Hopscotch Ladder
- Forward Bench Press with Suspension Straps
- Row with Suspension Straps
- Full Squats with Suspension Strap
- Core Alternating Knee Pulls with Suspension Straps (push up position, feet in suspension straps off the ground and then pull your knees into stomach alternating left/right – kind of like riding a bike)
- Vertical Forward Jumps onto step
- Criss Cross jumps on Hopscotch Ladder
That is one round. Repeat for three rounds then curl up on the floor like a baby and that is what we did today. He’s all about endurance training and I am all about building that endurance. I’ll take the necessary steps to transfer my trainings over and forge a new relationship with a new trainer. Now to come up with a superhero name…
Train of thought number two: I ran for six miles yesterday. A new distance record for me as I work to run longer and faster. It took me 1:19:00. It’s the first run I’ve actually been disappointed with since the start of my running adventures. I was disappointed because half way through the run (and the farther point away from my destination I hit a rock right in the middle of my heel while wearing my vibrams. It made for a painful situation. One where I had to stop and consider how I was going to get back to where I was going. I had to walk for a little bit but it’s not what I wanted to do. I wanted to run. the entire time I was walking that damn recorder was playing in my mind. Telling me I’ll never be a runner. Telling me I’ll never run fast. Telling me I’ll never make it to a half-marathon let alone a full marathon. It took a lot of effort to get my feet to move faster than a walking pace. Eventually it happened and I finished the route. I shouldn’t be disappointed. I should be jumping up and down for joy at having surpassed my last run by a mile. I should be patting myself on the back for mustering up the willpower to keep running. All these “I should” and yet I still walked away disappointed. I’m not sure if this ties in with my recent employment situation but it has been a depressing conversation in my head. One that just shouldn’t be allowed to exist. I remember crying and hugging myself after running for 5 minutes straight (and maybe 1/4 of a mile) and thinking how awesome it was and yet yesterday I wasn’t good enough after running for almost 55 minutes straight and clearing close to 4.5 miles before stopping due to an injury to my heel.
I have a lot of emotional work still.
Train of thought number three: I have seen 199 enough this week that I am confident it will happen on OWiS #27. Barring a massive salt intake or TOM it will happen and I am ready to enter a new phase of this journey. I’ve lost almost 65 pounds since January and for the first time in my adult life I like the way my body looks. I am moving away from this being a weight loss journey and moving towards this becoming a journey of strength. I am confident in this new phase the weight will continue to come off my body but it won’t be the focus any longer. I’m going to move away from stable exercises like the elliptical and stationary bikes and move toward less stable exercises (swimming, weight training, outside biking, spin class, running and endurance training). The stable exercises helped me lose the first 65 pounds. Unstable exercises will not only help me lose the next 35 pounds but will also make me leaner, stronger and much more fit.
That’s what I want.
That’s what I’m going to get.
Seeing 199 on the scale has been monumental. I don’t feel fat anymore. I don’t see myself as fat either. I see the small pudge in my stomach or the under arm flabbiness and I think “it’s only a matter of time” because while I look in the mirror and see my stomach/under arms I also see the muscles in my thighs. I see my biceps and I see new part of my body one: my collar-bone. I didn’t see those things 6 months ago, but I see them today. Hard work, sweat and a gazillion tears are paying off by giving me the body that I was born to have. The body I abused for the last 25 years has accepted my apology and is moving forward business as usual. If I can do this in six months…
Think what can be accomplished in a year.
Fourth train of thought: All is okay in my world. Last Wednesday everything came crashing down around me as I joined the ranks of the unemployed. I’ve had a few panic moments and one fight with my husband (as to be expected I guess) but a week later, I am doing okay. My interpreter friends have helped me tremendously in giving me contact information for various opportunities. I thank them and the universe for looking out for me. There isn’t much work out there (Summer is always slow) but there is work and I will find it.
There are some plans being jostled around in my head that while I want to share with the world, I need to just sit on them for a bit longer before making any sort of commitment. These ideas include leaving the profession of interpreting and venturing off into a new career. One that would require me to go back to school after 10 years. I am building a stronger body, now I also need to think about building a stronger brain. I see the change that can happen in people and I want to be a part of the change. I want to be the catalyst to that change. No not want, need. It’s time to refocus what I thought I wanted to be when I grew up and it’s time I make it a reality.
This is one crazy ride and I’m glad I got on!
Throw the damn glass at it!!!
This post is long in coming, but has taken forever to actually leave my brain, travel down my fingers onto the keyboard and make it to this blog. I’m still at a loss for words over what has transpired over the last week or so but I also can’t just not at least try to make some sense of what can now be described only as a true wrench in my life.
Without going into too much detail, I have been relieved of my position as a video relay interpreter for Sorenson communications as of last week Wednesday. To say I’m a little shook up by the entire situation would be a severe under estimate. I’ve been with the company for almost three years to the date and I walked out of there on Wednesday feeling like nothing more than a five digit number (my interpreter number used to identify myself) that had no value to the company except to process as many calls as possible so that the upper echelon of the company could reap the benefits of my work.
I’m trying my best to stay in the moment and to use the tools I’ve learned in the last six months to keep myself grounded in today and not go off into “oh my god, what am I going to do next week, next month” mode. It’s not easy. In fact it’s downright craptastically difficult. I’m trying to refrain from disconnecting my cable, turning off my internet and asking for my money back on all the training sessions I’ve purchased. I’m trying to refrain from selling everything in my house that isn’t nailed down. I’m trying to keep my thoughts right here in front of me and remember that this is not the end of the world.
It easy to feel like it is.
To know me, is to know that everything that used to define me was wrapped up in my work. My work made me a worthwhile person. Work made me a social person. It made me feel important. It kept chaos at bay. Work was what kept me sane. Over the course of the last six months I’ve come to understand that work not only DOES NOT define me as a person, it also cannot make my life any less complicated. My life is complicated because I allow it to be that way. So the only way to combat that is to not let it get that way. Sounds easy enough…
I’ve taken the steps to file for unemployment. I’ve continued to go to the gym everyday this week (and now that there is extra time staying for longer). I saw Coach Chuck on Friday and it was pure awesomeness. I’m reminding myself that there is some money saved up for a few months of house payments and come the end of September I’ll go back to work at the local community colleges in this area. I’m thinking about the paths I want to take in the near future and how I’m going to make sure those paths are successful while I travel on them. I’m thinking about leaving the profession of being an interpreter all together. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. It’s what I’ve wanted to do since I was in elementary school and it’s what I’ve enjoyed doing the last 10 years of my life. I’m looking to get more personal with people now. I’m not sure what that means but I want to experience the change in people that I’ve experienced over that last six months. I have something inside that needs to connect with people that feel there is no chance to live a different lifestyle. The change in me is the change possible in anyone. I want to be a part of that change, that solution, that feeling of “So this is what it means to live life”.
My husband has been extremely supportive through out this whole “holy hell I just got fired” feeling. He drove me back down to work to collect some of my things (most of which I just left behind), my food (cause you know I’m not leaving no Trader Joe’s food behind) and has been a constant ray of light reminding me that all is not lost. If unemployment comes through I should be okay for the summer time. If not, then we’ll figure out what to do at that point. I have some 401k that I can plug into if need be. I’m just going to relax over the next couple of weeks, pick up some sub work here and there, and live life the best way that I know how…
Digging Deep and then Digging Deeper!!!
- I will not allow myself to get depressed. There is nothing to be depressed over. This is just a situation, this is not the end of the world.
- I will not use food to make me feel better. Food is fuel. Food is not my therapist. Food is part of the solution. It is not part of the problem any longer.
- I will not allow the old sabotaging tapes to play inside my head. I will not look in the mirror and think negative thoughts about myself. I will not look at my body and tell myself I’m ugly or fat because I am neither of these things. In fact I am 60 pounds lighter today than I was six months ago and I actually enjoy looking at myself.
- I will continue to get out of bed and I will continue to move forward.
- I will go to the gym everyday for at least an hour. Breaking a sweat will be a priority over the next couple of weeks. This is the most important journey of my life and it will not take a back seat for anything.
- I will continue to see a trainer twice a week. I have 25 sessions paid for so there is no need for me to do anything but use them. Coach Chuck said he can give me at least two weeks of sessions as well before a decision has to be made about whether or not to switch over. This will put me at the end of September at which time I will re-evaluate whether to continue with trainer.
- I will register for my triathlon and I will continue to train. My husband forbade me to even have one miniscule thought about not participating in the September triathlon. That’s why I keep him around!!!
- I will continue to run. In fact I will be able to participate in the July 17th 10k run here on Vashon Island. I registered and then found out I had a work related workshop that I was required to attend. No work = not required. Things are looking better already!
Life will continue to move forward. It’s only been a few days and over the course of those days I’ve felt a plethora of emotions. I’ve cried and laughed. I’ve shouted and stomped my feet like a three year old. I’ve also danced around my living room, excited over the possibilities…
Life isn’t over.
It’s just different.
Watch for that glass cause I’m giving it a good throw at life!
There is so much going on in my life right now (physically, emotionally and mentally) that I’m having a hard time sitting down and putting it into words. I have a much longer (more winded) post coming about this past week but need a few hours of alone time to really get it all sorted out.
Many milestones achieved with this weigh in.
Six month mark of this journey.
60 pounds loss!
Running 5 miles without stopping!
The numbers:
Week 0 = 263.5 (-0.0)
Week 1 = 257.4 (-6.1)
Week 2 = 255.0 (-2.4)
Week 3 = 254.6 (-.4)
Week 4 = 253.8 (-.8) *I started c25k
Week 5 = 248.2 (-5.6)
Week 6 = 247.2 (-1.0)
Week 7 = 246.2 (-1.0)
Week 8 = 244.4 (-1.8)
Week 9 = 241.0 (-3.4)
Week 10 = 240.6 (-.4)
Week 11 = 238.0 (-2.6)
Week 12 = 234.8 (-3.2)
Week 13 = 232.8 (-2.0) *joined a gym
Week 14 = 230.0 (-2.8) *graduated c25k
Week 15 = 227.8 (-2.2)
Week 16 = 225.6 (-2.2)
Week 17 = 222.4 (-3.2)
Week 18 = 219.2 (-3.2)
Week 19 = 221.4 (+2.2) *the brother situation
Week 20 = 213.8 (-7.6)
Week 21 = 212.0 (-1.8)
Week 22 = skipped
Week 23 = 208.0 (-4.0) *over the course of two weeks
Week 24 = 207.6 (-.4) *switched over to new scale
Week 25 = 204.8 (-2.8)
Week 26 = 202.8 (-2.0)
I really want to read everyone’s blog right now but also want to post about my upcoming appointment on Friday. There is no word yet on Superman as of today (Tuesday). So I’ve decided to go ahead and schedule a session with another trainer for this coming Friday. I knew who I had in mind so it was just a matter of approaching and asking for a session.
 <—- This is Coach Chuck (I’m not giving him a super hero name since I have no idea what’s happening with Superman). He’s pretty much the bee’s knee’s when it comes to trainers. I’ve watched him now for several months and if things weren’t so awesome with Superman, he’d be my next pick. I approached him today and reiterated that while I’m not jumping ship, it has been almost a month since my last training session and I’d like to at least do something while waiting to hear the outcome of Superman‘s situation. He agreed and so we set something up for Friday. Coach Chuck is a great guy and I’m really happy that he’s willing to do these interim sessions until further notice. He even agreed to not charge me since I bought the sessions thinking I was going to be with Superman.
Hello Mr Awesome Trainer!
Here’s the snippet on Coach Chuck:
Work Experience-
• 20 years- Physical Education Teacher, and Coach
• 25 years- Kenpo Karate
• 12 years- High School Club Volleyball Coach
• 5 years- Athletic Club Manager and Personal Trainer
• 4 years- High School/College Volleyball Referee
Specialization-
• Nutrition & Menu planning
• Cardiovascular Conditioning
• Increasing Flexibility
• Weight Loss Management
• Strength & Conditioning
• Personal Motivation
• Balance, Agility, Coordination
Education/Achievements-
• NASM- Certified Personal Trainer
• 5th Degree Black Belt-Kenpo Karate
• 4 time High School-Volleyball, COACH OF THE YEAR!
• CPR/AED Certified
and his Philosophy:
I believe a trainer’s job is more than to just instruct their clients on proper body alignment, nutrition, and the correct use of equipment. A trainer should be a life coach; someone who cares about the whole person, not just their physical body. As a Trainer, I try to understand my client’s lifestyle; their likes, dislikes, their background, and their goals. I then model their training with those elements in mind. My goal is to first understand, then teach, inspire, and motivate. My background as a coach has taught me that lasting change does not come when you tell a person what to do, but only when you teach them how to do it. My goal, during the time I spend with my clients, is to design a program that they can enjoy and teach them how to take positive steps towards lasting changes; to teach them life skills that will last a life time…
Yhea, pretty much rockstar right there.
So Friday it is, unless Superman says something different.
I made some immediate goals for this past weekend. One was to spend at least 90 minutes at the gym both Saturday and Sunday. The other was to try the some new classes offered at the gym. To know me is to know I don’t do well in social situations. I avoid them like the plague. But this strange thing is happening now that I’ve been on this LCJ for almost six months.
I kind of don’t want to avoid them anymore.
I kind of want to be around people now. I’m not looking to have some serious parties at my house anytime soon, but I am definitely interested in spending more time with the masses. I am what is typically known as a “parallel player”. If you’ve ever watched a group of children play house and notice one child sort of playing in the same area but separately from the group (maybe playing a one child version of house) and they do it often, they would be “parallel players”. Most children grow out of it. I however, did not. I can go to Starbucks alone for hours and sit amongst the people. Sit with someone and it’s over in about 30 minutes. I can go to the mall and roam around for endless hours. Go shopping with me and maybe I’ll hit one store. I spend far too much time wondering about the logistics of the visit (how long, when is it over, what do we talk about) that I often don’t enjoy the visit. Some of my friends are very good at having structured visits but even those are few and far between.
I am ready to move out of my comfort zone.
It wasn’t even really a comfort zone I guess. More of a prison with the walls built out of Depression / Anxiety / Self Loathing. So it’s time I start to look into improving my social skills. Since I am comfortable at the gym (again a great parallel play situation) I thought I’d start there. I picked two classes happening last Sunday back to back: Step and Yoga.
The Step class was pretty awesome. Fast paced and not a whole lot of opportunity to shake anyone’s hand and say “Hi my name is Tara and I’m trying to be social”. I got some good laughs with the woman in front of me as we both stuggled to keep up with the moves. I did place myself in the back (I’m assuming that’s where the newbies go) so that also made it harder to interact but I was there and I stayed for the entire class (Go me!).
The Yoga class was even better. I did this class a few weeks ago but put myself way in the back of the room. It had a fill in instructor that week. I ventured a little closer to the front this time (not too close though) but the regular instructor had everyone move up into a straight line right up front (GULP!) and then she asked if anyone was new to Yoga which I raised my little non-social hand. The woman next to me introduced herself and said she’d been doing Yoga for years so to ask if she had any questions.
Ninety minutes later I was done and had just participated in two successful classes. I didn’t freak out. I didn’t spend the entire time wondering what everyone else was thinking. I didn’t wonder about what I was going to say if someone approached me. I didn’t wonder if I was doing something wrong. I didn’t obsess over the clock. I participated to the best of my abilities.
I just was.
And it was awesome!
_____________________________________________________________
I’ve been having a mental block about running lately. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. I’m quickly loving it more and more with better weather and more time to actually get out there and “kiss the earth” (Thanks Jess!). I’ve broken in my vibrams and within the first week of actually running in them I ran a 5k without stopping (first time ever). My mental block is with distance. I’ve been stuck at that 3.1 mark and too afraid to go past it. I can’t really explain why but for weeks now I’ve been mentally trying to break free from the 5k length. I’m watching all my other VBB(s) that took up running and I see them adding more miles to their runs and I’m wondering why I can’t do the same.
Last night after reading Ed’s blog (Monday315) and his 10 mile running challenge I started really examining that mental block. I just needed to get out there and run past the 3.1 in much the same way I needed to run to the 3.1 when I first started the c25k program. I need to know I’m not restricted to just doing a 5k. I need to know I can go farther. No let me rephrase that I have to know. So last night I mapped out a route that would not only take me past 3.1 but would put me pretty far from my starting point once I hit that 3.1 mark. I’ve gone farther in the past but there was a lot of walking involved. I don’t want to walk anymore. I want to run and run the entire time.
I went to bed with the anticipation of kicking this 3.1 in the ass.
I woke up sore as hell.
My 120 flights of stairs a few days previous and attempt at being social caught up to me and my calves had a different idea about running past that mental block. Bummed out I went to the gym with the notion of just doing something low key for an hour and then heading into work.
I hopped on the treadmill and thought “well I’ll just walk” for a bit. About 10 minutes into the walk, it donned on me: MY CALVES DON’T HURT! It didn’t take me but a quick wave to the lady at the front desk and a exclamation of “I’ll be back in about an hour” and I was out the door. I had the route laid out (starting point – gym – smart Tara) so it was just a matter of shutting my brain off and turning my legs on.
I shut that brain off.
I turned those legs on.
I ran 5.0 miles.
I didn’t stop. I didn’t complain. I just did it. I drifted in and out of thinking about what I was doing (more out than in lol) and it was delicious. Once I hit that 3.1 mark I knew the only thing I could do was keep running. I’m not a walker. I’m a runner. I woke up this morning and ran 5.0 miles. I didn’t walk/run. I ran. Once I made my way back to the gym: I cried.
I’m sure everyone in the gym thought something was wrong, but I was crying because I broke that mental block. I was crying because I wanted something and I went out and got it!
GAME ON!!!
Every time I run I won’t be thinking about that 3.1 number anymore. I’ll be thinking about better numbers: 10k, 12k, half marathon and beyond!
_____________________________________________________________
I haven’t heard from Superman since he canceled last Friday. In fact, no one has heard from him. This can’t be good. I talked with another trainer and he said if I come in and he’s not with a client he’ll do a session with me. I’m not looking to switch and leave Superman, but it has been almost a month since our last session together. Granted much of that time was vacation related but he’s never not called before so I’m thinking something serious has come up. If I don’t hear from him by tomorrow I’m going to set up an appointment with Chuck for Thursday. From there we’ll just play it by ear until we know whether or not Superman is coming back.
I went to bed thinking there wouldn’t be much of a loss. The last thing I thought about before drifting into la-la land was how I felt when I crossed over the finish line last Saturday and knew I had beat my last time by 40 seconds. I think my body got excited by the thoughts of running and went to the dream gym and gave me one last workout before this morning’s weigh in:
The numbers:
- Week 0 = 263.5 (-0.0)
- Week 1 = 257.4 (-6.1)
-
Week 2 = 255.0 (-2.4)
- Week 3 = 254.6 (-.4)
- Week 4 = 253.8 (-.8) *I started c25k
- Week 5 = 248.2 (-5.6)
- Week 6 = 247.2 (-1.0)
- Week 7 = 246.2 (-1.0)
- Week 8 = 244.4 (-1.8)
- Week 9 = 241.0 (-3.4)
- Week 10 = 240.6 (-.4)
- Week 11 = 238.0 (-2.6)
- Week 12 = 234.8 (-3.2)
- Week 13 = 232.8 (-2.0)
- Week 14 = 230.0 (-2.8) *graduated c25k
- Week 15 = 227.8 (-2.2)
- Week 16 = 225.6 (-2.2)
- Week 17 = 222.4 (-3.2)
- Week 18 = 219.2 (-3.2)
- Week 19 = 221.4 (+2.2) *the brother situation
- Week 20 = 213.8 (-7.6)
- Week 21 = 212.0 (-1.8)
- Week 22 = skipped
- Week 23 = 208.0 (-4.0) over the course of two weeks
- Week 24 = 207.6 (-.4) switched over to new scale
- Week 25 = 204.8 (-2.8)
My goals have always come in increments of five pounds. I have achieved almost 12 goals since the beginning of this LCJ. Up to this point my goals have always had the number “2” in front of them. Today I get to say for the first time that my next goal weight has a “1” in front of it. That’s right baby 199!!!!
People have asked me what my “reward” will be for hitting Onederland. Being called overweight and knowing I’m adding years to my life instead of taking them away with destructive behavior is the reward. Oh and maybe a trip to Vegas!
It’s that time again.
Time where I review my week in anticipation of tomorrow OWiS. This will be #25 since starting this journey. This week has seen some great accomplishments and yet tonight I feel out of sorts. I was supposed to meet with Superman today but he had to cancel at the last minute. With the both of us being on vacation we’ve not been able to get together for just under three weeks. I was really looking forward to today but understand his need to cancel. So tonight I’m feeling a little let down and trying not to get all bummed out and what not.
Lets get to the good stuff!
Saturday: I ran my second 5k and got a personal best time of 37:00. Here are some of the pictures from the race!
Sunday: I started breaking in my Vibrams with a short one mile run on the treadmill (fastest mile thus far). I also signed up for a 10k that was scheduled to happen July 17th but as with all new runners we have to remember to double-check our schedules and NOT just willy nilly sign up for races. I did, and then realized I have prior work engagements. CRAP! No worries though, that 10k will happen and it will happen soon!
Monday: Ran two miles in my vibrams!
Tuesday: Found out I have a bounce in my step and can unequivocally declare I am no longer a “functioning depressed” person. I also ran 2.8 miles in my vibrams.
Wednesday: Was the first of two cancellations by Superman this week. Big bummer on my side. I took it as a sign from the Universe to take a rest day and catch up on my sleep. 11 hours worth of zzz’s was totally worth it.
Thursday: Took my vibrams out and ran a personal 5k. From Saturday to Thursday I ran a total of 12 miles. Not bad for a fat chick that couldn’t run a block to save her life back in January. Oh I also got some swag and had a kick ass N(on) S(cale) V(ictory).
Today: I got the second cancellation from Superman. He left me a really nice message apologizing profusely and to not give up on him. Funny, I never would have thought working out with me meant that much to him. I feel sad that he has to keep canceling because I know he feels bad and I know it’s for medical reasons. This is the kind of guy I would go out and drink beers with, talk about fishing or go to monster trucks with so I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. Barring some horrific medical problem (I hope I didn’t just jinx him) I’m sure he’s not going anywhere either.
So there is my week in review. Ten-toed Charlie hasn’t really moved that much for me this week. I can’t say for sure whether there will be a loss or not. Up until this morning there wasn’t enough of a change to write home about. Regardless of what TTC says I’m thrilled with the running mileage and even more thrilled to be wearing my sock monkey Christmas pajamas (which I will probably wear every day until I turn 50)
See you all in the morning!
I think the world of weight loss blogging needs to have more NSV (non-scale victory) so I’m adding my own to today’s post. In December of 2009, my niece (who I am absolutely obsessed over and would punch a brother in the face if they hurt her in any way) bought me the cutest pair of pajamas for Christmas.
 Now to know me is to know that I love pajamas. If there is ever a time you need to buy me a gift, you can NEVER go wrong with pajamas. I was so stoked to get these and when I checked the size (XXL) I thought for sure I’d be wearing them the very night I got them. Boy would I be wrong. While I could get the pajama bottoms to go over my thighs there was no way they’d make the first attempt to sit in a chair. The shirt wouldn’t button at all. The cutest pajamas in the world had just looked me in the face and said “no way fatty, not tonight and not any time soon!”.
I was confused because all my other xxl pajamas fit just fine. These were an anomaly and my first real experience with the notion of just because it says it’s a size ## doesn’t mean it’s the same as the others. I was devastated. I felt horrible about my body and didn’t have the heart to tell my niece they didn’t fit. I folded them up and put them in the back of some dark drawer never to be thought about again…or at least I didn’t want to think about them again.
A few months ago (263 —–>233ish) I decided to pull them out and give them a whirl. The pants fit much better. Still a little tight in the thighs but doable if I really wanted to wear them. The shirt? I could button it but I couldn’t move my arms to save my life. To quote Chris Farley I was a “Fat man in a little suit”. Okay, feeling better but still frustrated so back they went into the drawer for another day.
That day was yesterday.
 I don’t believe for a second that these were ever meant to be labeled as xxl (unless they are using anorexic supermodels for their sizing charts). All I know is I put those cute sock monkey gingerbread pajamas on and they fit like a beautiful pair of pajamas should fit. I almost wanted to go out and buy a faux Christmas tree and re-enact what should have been a cozy Christmas night around the fire place. Instead I just curled up with my dog there (that’s Makenzie) and thought: “I can’t wait for next Christmas”!
Tell me one of your NSV!
_____________________________________________________________
I got a great package from Tricia over at FightFatPhobia after entering her giveaway a few weeks ago. It was a total fluke too. It was her first post I’d ever read and she had so many entries I thought for sure it was pointless but I left my comments anyways and then quickly realized how much I loved her blog. She so effin raw and if you know anything about my blog, I like to just put it out there for the world to read and I admire those that do the same.
I was so freakin excited to get my package and after opening it up and being showered with total awesomeness I wanted to share it with everyone! I’m just going to post the pictures so enjoy! And P.S. if you’re not reading her blog then you are totally missing out!
I spent seven years on this highway. I got on this road right after an emotional break up when I was 31. I walked into my doctors office, filled out a questionnaire measuring my level of depression (off the charts) and was given a prescription for Paxil. Within 6 months I was up to 40 mg a day, feeling better and never a word from my doctor about the other avenues I could take to combat my depression. Not once were the words “nutrition”, “exercise”, “cognitive behavior therapy” or just plain old “take care of your past to get to your future” mentioned. I thought because I was able to function as an adult (go to work, pay my bills and maintain a relationship) on some level of normalcy I was no longer depressed. After seven long years I decided that enough was enough. I didn’t want to be tied to a pill every morning. I wanted off that highway and I wanted off of it right quick. At the age of 38 I decided to stop my medication.
I quit cold turkey.
I know, I know. It was probably one of the stupidest things I’ve done but also one of the smartest. Yes, I had horrible withdrawals. I spent many a day laying across the back of my couch (not on the cushions, literally on the back like a cat) wondering if this was my life forever. I ached all over for weeks. Insomnia became my closest friend. Yes it was stupid, but I stuck with it. I knew it wouldn’t be like this forever (even though at times it felt that way). I let my body feel what it needed to feel and got through to the end.
A month later and all has subsided.
I thought I had conquered depression. I wasn’t medicated and I was still functioning. I was wrong. I was just a functioning depressed person. Over the next two years I became more lethargic and less motivated / less in the moment / more withdrawn from life and just plain old sad. I got to my highest weight of 275 and life was at a stand still. I had seriously just accepted things and thought this was the way life was going to be for me.
In June of 2009 I watched the love of my life make a huge life changing decision that would also put me on the path to rediscovering myself (or discovering for the first time since I’ve never really known who I was). I didn’t know that six months later I would embark on one of the hardest adventures of my life. I started putting into plan the words the doctors failed to educate me about nine years previous. I started examining my nutritional habits (bad), my exercise habits (non-existant), and started intense therapy to look at my past to find the way to my future. I took the first step to begin a journey that would not only help me to become physically stronger but emotionally stronger as well. It has by no means been easy. I’ve seen some dark times in the last six months. I’ve had my fair share of bumps in the road. What I thought were set-backs were just experiences to learn from and move forward. One bad situation does not end the story but rather adds to the complexity of where I want to go. I can say without a doubt the following statement and know it to be true:
“Today I am no longer a functioning depressed person.”
You want to know how I know this?
My next door neighbor (whom I consider a close friend) said to me this morning: ” I love that you have a bounce in your step now“. Not only are the physical changes apparent but my emotional changes are just as obvious. I am a different person now.
No matter where you are on your path or what you are trying to do, please don’t give up. Whether it’s 6 days, 6 months or 6 years the changes are coming.
You’re worth it.
Your life will thank you.
|
|