Now that that is out of the way…
Oh wait it’s not.
I am in a piss foul mood right now.
Serious.
Super Serious.
Here are a few of the reasons why that I’ve been able to pin point (this of course if more for my benefit than anyone that might lay eyes on this as I’m sure not too many people want to read a fat girls antics when she’s in a foul mood)
- Reason number one: I made a bad choice in food last night. Not bad bad bad but definitely bad. I went to Buca Di Beppo in Seattle. I should have opted to go somewhere else with healthier options but that is neither here nor there. I talked myself into going and talked myself into eating. I didn’t gorge myself to the point of being sick but I did eat past the point that I should have stopped. It was not a planned meal so I didn’t plan accordingly with my food through out the day. Lesson learned. No more impromptu dinners out without first planning.
- Reason Number two: Yesterday I got on the scale and it read 240. Today is read 242. I’m not complaining. It’s still a -2.0 loss since my last weigh in on Saturday. I was just so happy to see that number and then to see such an increase in less than 24 hours. I blame reason #1.
- Reason Number three: I want some fucking ice-cream. I also want a large pepperoni pizza, a cheeseburger from Carl’s Jr and just about anything else I can shove into my pie hole. Again, I blame reason #1
- Reason Number four: Someone brought donuts into work today. Chocolate, Maple, Sprinkles and jelly-filled. I want to choke them. I want to take the donuts and scream “Do you hate me?”. I seriously think sweets of any kind should be banned from our work. We sit all day and process calls. No moving. No physical activity. Most of us are overweight. Out of kind gestures we have donuts, oreos, doritos, m&ms, and a drawer full of chocolate. We do have healthy options (fruit and veggie) but they run out so quick that I resort to bringing my own food. As a whole I just wish we could see how bad those sweets are when we’re sitting around for hours at a time.
- Reason Number Five: Whoa is that a Freudian slip that my reason number 5 is because of the c25k week number 5 is looming on the horizon. I’m scared. I’m not going to lie. I’m pretty freaked out by what c25k thinks I’m supposed to be doing next week. 8 minutes? Twice and then the final day 20 minutes???? WTH? It’s almost incomprehensible and my brain is already trying to back track its way out of even trying. I barely have the five minutes down and already you want me to increase it by 15 minutes!!!
- Reason Number 6: My shins hurt. I’ve been reading about it and trying to figure out what to do with them (ice, rest, ibuprophen) but the fact remains, they hurt and it is disappointing me.
/end reasons.
The truth of the matter is today I’m frustrated with being fat. I know this may not be the way I feel tomorrow as I’m walking the dogs and taking a break from running. I’ll probably feel pretty good while I’m walking up the stairs at my college job thinking about how I haven’t taken an elevator in over 2 months. I’ll probably feel on top of everything as I’m eating my big tupperware full of fruits and veggies while working but I can’t ignore my frustrations.
Frustrations are a great way to bust through a particularly hard moment in one’s life. I’m frustrated at being fat and the food choices I made last night so I will take that frustration and push forward. Tomorrow I will walk my dogs a little farther (they’d like it if I walked them for 48 hours straight so no complaint will come from them). On Saturday I’m going to be making a nice cold thai salad that a friend from CalorieKing posted that is low in calories but high in taste. Sunday I will take a deep breath and give it all I’ve got bright and early on the waterfront while I attempt to run for 8 minutes!
I’ve been finding solace in reading other blogs and seeing both success stories and stories that are not so successful. They all give me the wisdom I need to push past this frustration. Thanks to everyone out there for doing what you’re doing.
What are your frustrations?
I knew the time thing would frustrate me when I started.
That is why I only log my ‘real’ weight once a month.
I also planned for my weight loss to take three years.
yes, three years.
When it would comeoff faster I would say to myself..
It will slow down.
I give myself a calorie limit and two high calorie days a month.
When i FIRST began I gave myself one
‘splurge day’
It lasted for six hours and IT WAS anything I could cram in my piehole
So, everything you just read off….i could have ALL of it..
If I could just fit it into that six hour window once a month.
The first one was dinner at a mexican restaurant, with a chimichanga and fake cheese, rice and tortilla chips…a loved it sunday from cold stone creamery and a half a bag of potato chips.
In six hours.
The next day…I felt sick and also said Forget it and move on. That was the rule…
one binge fest and then forget it and move on.
My splurge days don’t come close to that anymore.
I can’t eat half what I used to.
These are just some suggestions you might be able to use to help you move away from old behaviors to new ones.
splurge day…it helped me big time.
Good luck.
I know what you mean about cranky. I’ve been kinda cranky about weight loss myself.
I’m pretty fortunate to work in a place that doesn’t TOO MUCH bombard me with bad food choices. Granted, I am the one responsible for keeping the vending machine filled, but that’s easily ignored. Still, if there were donuts and Doritos in front of me every day, I’d probably have to be rolled home.
As far as C25K, I haven’t done it, but aren’t you allowed to take it at your own pace? Make week 5 two weeks instead of one. Maybe do three workouts at 8 minutes, then one at 12, one at 15, and then hit 20?
I can defininately take it at my own pace. It’s a battle of my brain that fights the idea of 8 minutes. I’m going to at least give it a try and then see if I don’t need to modify week 5 a bit.
I hear ya.
I hear ya on frustration with less-than-stellar choices.
I hear ya on frustration with a workplace that stocks candy and has “donut Fridays” and all manner of unhealthiness around.
And I hear ya on being sick of being fat.
I also hear Chris – last night is done and over – let it be what it was, which was one meal, not a huge, enormous moral failing.
Keep up the great work AND keep acknowledging your frustrations. And if you ever want to meet for a slow.slow.slow. run, let me know!
I’m trying not to let the other night get to me. I’m more just frustrated that I heard my brain say stop eating but I kept going (not for too many more bites but I did consciously keep going). Today is a different day for sure!
There is food around here ALL OF THE TIME, yet everyone seems to be on a diet. it just doesnt make sense.
One night of making not the best choices isnt the end of the world, sometimes we need a little splurge. Make smarter choices today and youre likely to feel WAY better tomorrow 🙂
PS-Way to make it through week 4 of C25k!!!!!
I wish I had a encouraging/inspirational/useful comment. All I know is that some days I get frustrated and need to vent. Blogs are good for that. Also, it’s really cool to look back later on and see how a ‘bad’ eating episode didn’t stop you.
Honestly, when you weigh yourself after eating or so often, you’re just looking for a reason to beat yourself up. Food doesn’t enter your body and automatically stick to your ass. It just doesn’t.
Hope things start looking up!
very true BBP…but weighing myself everyday is also helping me learn that weight is going to fluxuate. It’s not for everyone that’s for sure.
Reasons number 3 and 6 are defiantly getting to me too. CRAVINGS. Oh boy I am having them like crazy. Also, trying to ‘teach’ myself to run has seemed difficult too. Stupid shins…
I was looking over your blog and it looks like we’re both just starting out on this journey. Good luck to you and keep me posted how the running is going!
Writing about the frustrations is a great way to put them out there and hopefully move on from them. If you feel that the next week of C25K is too much, modify it. It does seem like a huge jump, and that’s one of the reasons Scale Warfare and I decided to do our own thing for a little while. Good luck with it!
Thanks Bella for the advice. I’ve given it some serious thought in regards to repeating week 4. I’m going to give it my best shot on Sunday and then decide from there.
I really liked your blog! nice