Have you ever woke up feeling like this little guy?
What’s there not to be happy about? I mean look at that bunny suit!! How can you not feel anything but pure elation at the idea of wearing a bunny suit? And yet, there he is all sad.
Blue.
Lonely.
Frustrated.
Thinking about the past.
Worried about the future.
I can’t explain why some days I wake up and am ready to face the world in front of me. Ready to get physical. Move more, eat less. Ready to lose weight and get closer to the person I am meant to be. Ready to face whatever challenge is presented in front me and take action to be successful.
I also can’t explain why some days I wake up and put on the “bunny suit” (metaphorically speaking of course) and yet just can’t seem to get it together. Exercise is unsatisfactory. Walking my dogs for our normal 2 miles is not only unsatisfactory but frustrating. Food feels like a challenge no matter what I do to make it yummy (today’s breakfast was old fashioned oats cooked to perfection with a banana and honey – what’s not to love???) and the minutes are just tick tick ticking away at work at such a slow pace I feel like I’ve been here forever (and still only half way through the day). The scale is down (under 240 for two days now). I mean seriously, what is wrong with me today? I feel like I want to go home and crawl under the blankets and just forget that I exist.
Seriously.
Not in that “oh my god, someone call 911 we’ve got a jumper” sort of non existence feeling just a feeling of…well like that kid up there.
Defeated.
Today there is absolutely no reason to feel this way so I’m going to try to take the advice of a blog I read yesterday. NerdFitness is a blog I just found yesterday and while I found his first entry I stumbled upon a very good read, I now find it a very poignant read. He basically points out that sh*t happens. Deal with it and move on. I’m gonna try and use each point he makes to work through this.
- Understand that Sh*t happens: Okay so let me try to understand the way I am feeling today. It’s not reasonable to think that everyday is going to be all “rainbows” and “butterflies”. It’s not reasonable to think that every exercise session you’ll feel great about making better choices. It’s not reasonable to think that every portion of food you put in your mouth will give you a sense of glee for making healthier choices. Some days are just not going to be that great. Today is one of those days. There is no reason to feel defeated, in fact I should let myself feel a little pride in that instead of plopping myself down in front of the computer and not doing anything, I did walk my dogs the entire 2 miles. There were parts of it I did enjoy. I did get on the wii fit and break a sweat. I did make a delicious oatmeal this morning and even enjoyed some of it.
- vent: Pretty much got that covered here.
- Realize that it’s not that bad: I already figured as much. I’m not in some pit of despair thinking this is what it is till the end of all time. He asks “Do you still have a pulse”? Yes? Good, cause it could be way worse. Very true. I need to keep that in perspective. The hardest thing I have to do in my life right now to move more and eat less.
- Learn from it: What I need to take away from today is that I can do everything right and some days will still feel like picture up there. The good thing about today is it’s only 24 hours. Tomorrow may or may not feel any better. I won’t know till I get there so stop worrying.
- Put it behind you: Gettin there.
- Don’t dwell on it: Easier said than done but I know from past “episodes” that it will pass. I just need to ride it out without making any self defeating choices. I’m sure this time tomorrow I’ll be feeling better.
So here I am at the end of my “process”. Do I feel 100% better? No. But I feel like I have a better handle of what’s going on inside of me. I will just allow myself to stay in the moment and not let my mind wander off into things that a) things I can’t change and b) things that haven’t happened. Here’s what I’m going to do to work through the rest of today and give myself some much needed love:
*I’m going to stretch during every 10 minute break until I leave work. It feels good and I know it’s helping me prepare for tomorrow’s c25k week 6 day 2.
*I’m going to read all my blogs under the “we’re all in this together”. It seems that no matter what I’m feeling, someone else blogs about it too.
*I’m going to go home and immediately put on my favorite pajamas and hoodie. I’m going to curl up next to my husband and let my dogs up on the couch. They all love me unconditionally and that is more important than anything I can think of.
*I will go to bed early so that I read a little longer than usual. Before I fall asleep I will think about my run tomorrow and getting another day closer to the c25k graduation.
*I will allow myself to feel whatever it is that I’m feeling. I will not blame myself for things made up (not doing enough housework, not working enough, not saving enough money, not exercising enough, not a good enough wife). These are old tapes that play for no reason except to be self-sabotaging. Tonight it will not work. I will just feel what I’m feeling and let my emotions take care of themselves. I know from past experience that if I ride it out, it will not likely be how I’m feeling tomorrow.
Are you giving yourself the much needed love to make it through the day?
I’m with you. We’re in this together, and we’ve got a lot of company.
The good part is that there are people out there who aren’t going to give up on you. We’ll read your blog and celebrate your persistence while commiserating with your problems.
And thank you for that link! I needed to read that post. Especially after a day like this one, I really, really needed to read it.
You’re welcome! I like the idea of people not giving up on me even if I never met them in real life. Someday I’ll travel around meeting all the bloggers that really impacted me.
yup…some days are not the “happy day at the healthy saloon” kind of days…they are more like ” slog through the crap fest that is life’ kind of days.
This too shall pass.
” slog through the crap fest that is life’
I’ll need to get some kick ass galoshes for those days!
I love Steve’s blog, although there are some things I disagree with but that’s beside the point.
The point is, you’re doing great. Not just with C25K and weight, but with tackling and handling your emotions. From an outsider’s perspective, people will always tell you, “Oh, but you’ve got this, and this, and that, and why are you unappreciative?” But nobody can change the way you feel. However, the important thing is that you can pick yourself up when you’re having a blah day, and that’s what you’re doing 🙂
I hope you went home and curled up with your loved ones. That’s the best feeling in the world.
I did in fact go home and curl up with all my loved ones (two legger and four leggers). It helped immensely.
Wow I could have written this exact post today. Its so helpful to know that not everyone feels that all of this is “sunshine and rainbows” EVERY FREAKING DAY. I can be going 100 mph with this whole weight loss thing and out of the blue one day I’ll just wonder is it all worth it? Why am I working so hard? It’s like weight loss/working out depressions. I really like the process that you found of thinking it through, I just might steal it 🙂
You are donig so amazing. Seriously 6 weeks ago, how much could you run? Isnt it amazing what a few weeks can do to you both physically and mentally?
I am always able to find someone in my ever growing list of “we’re in this together” blog roll that is feeling the same way I am. It’s so helpful because I think we automatically think “I’m the only one that feels this way” or “No one could even begin to understand how I’m feeling”…
We all definitely have shades of days like this. Naps tend to make me feel better; not sure why. I like the idea of curling up with loved ones. That always helps, too. 🙂
I like naps too…I like them when I’m feeling particularly warm and fuzzy.
I can totally relate. I have been losing weight for 8 weeks and i often ask myself if its worth all the effort that I am putting in. you are doing great. we are in it together.
your point: don’t dwell on it. Its a biggie for me too. I am a dweller.
Hi Ed. Thanks for stopping by. I’m going to head over to your blog too cause we are in this together.
The self love thing is tough. But I love the process you worked through and the power of putting your plan for the day in place. Allowing yourself to feel what you’re feeling is SO important. Sometimes I think just figuring out exactly what the feeling is and where its coming from it half the battle. I hoped you built up steam as the day went on and things are wrapping up for you in a better place. (On the coach in your jammies!)
The plan didn’t really help my mood but sticking to the plan did help to move forward in the day. My jammies however did put me in a better place! Woot woot!!!!