400th Post…

Yep…

400.

For the last 400 posts I’ve shared everything that is my life. No holds bar. The fears, the triumphs, the miles run, the pounds lost. The leaving of what was comfortably known and the finding of love in the most unexpected of places. Three years I’ve diligently sat down at my laptop, taken a deep breath and much like a emotional cry with a good friend, I’ve learned to let go of the old self and ever so patiently learn to love the new self.

I wonder if there is ever going to be a time in which I stop blogging. If my life changes will be much less motivating for the world to read. I’m at a precarious place right now with the whole idea of social media and trying to find “my brand”. I feel like I’m swimming upstream. Wanting people to pay attention to me and what I have to offer in the way of motivation/inspiration/get up off your ass and move determination and yet as the attention is turned my way I find myself wanting to turn away. Wondering if I deserve it. Wondering what makes me special. Wondering if losing the significant amount of weight is really that big of a deal and maybe I should just quietly slip into the corner and let someone else more deserving get some attention.

I know the reasons behind this feeling of “Tara, you’re nothing special”. It started when I began Life Coaching other people on their own weight loss journeys. For so long I’ve wanted to sit down and just talk with people about what keeps them from moving forward. I want people to know that they are not alone in whatever they are feeling at one particular moment or another and that I absolutely understand the emotional side of weight loss. Here I am doing what I’ve wanted to do for so long and yet I question my ability. Who am I? How can I dole out advice/understanding and a perspective maybe they’ve not yet explored?

I’ve returned to writing that much overdue book that I’ve barely even mentioned here. I mean who wouldn’t be excited to be writing a book about overcoming drug addiction, losing 100+ pounds and becoming a marathoner? For Christ’s sake I get excited just thinking about a book out there with this much depth…but written by someone more deserving than me. The only problem is that it’s my story and I am the only one deserving of writing it.

I’ve been a little hard on myself emotionally as of late. Finding it harder to stand tall and proud over all the life changes that have happened during the last 400 posts. Having to fight more to keep negative thoughts about who I see in the mirror / the body I work hard to keep in maintenance / and the love and desire I have to help other people move forward.

So here I am at post 400 sort of feeling like I want to hunker in the corner and watch the world go by:

but knowing that I am as much a part of this world as the next person.

As I sit down everyday and promise to type out my 500 words towards a book that will hopefully sit on a shelf someday, I remind myself that I am important. As I sit down with those that want to move forward on their own journeys, I remind myself that I am important. As I look in the mirror and wonder what is the point to everything I strive to do I remind myself:

That I am important.

(can you use the same reminder?)