Yesterday I got to hang out with Val over at SeattleRunnerGirl and through the course of our talking she gave me some really good advice:
Follow the advice you give to others.
I know I know, seems simple enough but truth be told we rarely follow our own advice that we give to others no matter how simple it sounds or how easy we know it is to follow. We spout words of wisdom and walk away feeling like we have all the answers that anyone could use and yet we never apply them to our own life.
Well I’m gonna do just that.
A few days ago I was having another conversation with a close friend about whether or not they should continue taking a certain class at the gym. They struggle to keep up and in the beginning it was fun to challenge themselves but as the weeks went on it became more of a burden and less fun and definitly more self deprecating. As we talked about what to do I said the following: If it’s not fun anymore then you should take a break and do something you enjoy.
Confession time:
I’m not enjoying all the time I’m spending at the gym.
I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed by all the time spent at the gym. It is my own doing. I take on too much and then when I get to a breaking point I don’t know how to give it back. I think people will be disappointed in me if I don’t go to the gym everyday. I think that people will begin to wonder if I’m giving up or don’t have the umpha to keep going as hard as I have. I expressed this to Val to which she said:
“Nobody will be dissapointed.”
“Except you.”
So fucking true! I even said this to my friend when they said they were afraid of disappointing people. People aren’t really going to care whether you show up or not. They have their own stuff they are working on. People don’t get up in the morning and think “hmmmm, I wonder if Tara will be here today” or “Wow, Tara didn’t show up this morning at 5am. I wonder if she’s stuffing her face with donuts” or “Tara must have given up and will never be back to the gym again”
Why does my brain do this to me?
I’m not spending enough time at home. I’m not spending enough time with my husband. I’m not spending enough time sleeping or sitting on the couch petting my dogs. I’m not spending enough time reading and cleaning my bathroom. I’m not spending enough time just hanging out with me.
For some reason I think that if I’m not spending 3+ hours everyday at the gym on the weekdays then I’m not doing enough. I’ve even convinced myself the reason I can’t reach 170 is because I’m not at the gym enough (cause I’m pretty sure that if I spent 4+ hours a day there I’d lose those 3 pounds in an instant).
As we continued to talk about how we never follow our own advice she said something that really hit home; “I don’t want to be sitting across from you 6 months from now and having you wearing a boot on your foot or a brace on your knee because you are pushing too hard and not taking care of yourself”
Touche
So, here’s what I plan to do about it. I do not want to give up the boxing classes on M/W/F morning and I don’t want to give up boot camp T/TH evening. I don’t want to give up working out with Godfather when he offers so I’m going to give up going to the gym T/TH morning. It’s not much but it will allow me to sleep in until 6a and have a few extra hours at home in the morning. It will also free up my M/W evenings not having to worry about getting ready for the following morning (laundry, making lunches, packing gym bag) and give me some precious few hours to spend with my husband and those cute little four leggers I call Makenzie and Penny.
I put all of this into practice this morning and you know what?
Nobody cared!
Working out three times a week for an hour and hitting consistent calorie targets will keep you in maintenance for the Rest of Your Life.
Yeah, you’l probably drop a couple of lbs. over the next weeks bvy working out Less. It happened to me, when I stopped killing myself I dropped 5 lbs, some due to the body relaxing, some due to being less sore and retaining less fluid.
And injuring yourself sucks and you deserve to be healthy, considering everything you’ve done to you know, Get Healthy! 🙂 Of course, try not to fall off the wagon for 6 months like I did (ok I didn’t fall, I got off and maintained and had fun and learned a bunch of stuff.)
You’re an inspiration to neck-punchers everywhere. Major Hugs and thanks for publishing honest thoughts and hardcore success posts.
thanks Rachel! I felt like I slept in so late. Funny how 6a feels like a vacation.
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I’m glad to hear it clicked, sometimes in the beginning when things are new it’s important to dedicate ourselves to it with all we’ve got. New habits need to be made, but there does come a time when we need to find that place that we can do forever and ever.
Stress makes you hold weight, physical or emotional. period.
You are worth the same today as you were yesterday, with or without the gym.
Funny, I was just Skyping with a blog friend last night and we were talking about how sometimes, if we don’t work out one day we feel like we’re gonna to wake up 100lbs heavier the next day. It was nice to talk to someone who gets it, and Val most certainly does.
I like it! Three hours is a LOT of time. And if you enjoy it, awesome! But it sounds like you’ve got an awesome life outside the gym, too, and I’m sure the various 2 and 4 legged animals in your life would probably like to see you more. 🙂
Yhea I’d like to see them more too (just don’t tell them)
You know what? I think that working out LESS is going to be more effective at allowing your body to release those 3 pounds than working out MORE could ever be! And I meant what I said – I DON’T want to be chatting with an injured Tara in six months (or ever), ESPECIALLY if the injury could have been avoided.
I mentioned your achilles to my awesometastic trainer today and she said:
(1) Ice it three times a day AND after every run.
(2) Sit/lay down and write the alphabet with your toe in the air to strengthen your ankle.
(3) Use your foam roller on your achilles.
Hope that helps!
Awwww Boo thanks for asking. Now get in my pocket so I have you around 24/7 cause I need you like a pen needs ink to function!
I’ve been doing similar assessments because I realized that my “tapes” say “you’ll always be fat”, “you have no discipline” and like that. Good to remember that each of us sets the goals, and adjusts accordingly. It’s figuring out the difference between moderation and abdication. I’m still working on that. I’ll let you know when I figure it all out! <3
It may be that we never figure it out but rather that we strive to continue to try and figure it out!
Tara…this is the emotional weight portion you talked about a few weeks back…Yes..it is hard…just focus…just breathe….just LIVE your life..
Why do we do that to ourselves (yes, I include myself) because that is what we HAVE always done…..
I joined the gym last week just so I had a choice to go swimming on the weekends…I still exercise in the morning at home.. because those are things i LIKE to do.. I can dance with wild abandon in my living room, kickbox, walk, jog, play wii video games .. i start my day with FUN…
I read your tagline when I got here tonight…
Losing Weight, Living Life…FINALLY
Losing Weight..check and double check…HUGE changes..
Living Life…THAT’s the piece to work on now…and YES that includes spending time with loved ones, relaxing…. and you can still do all the healthy living too…Is that advice…perhaps….but that is what I tell myself several times a day….I want to LIVE!
Thanks Jules! I am looking forward to trying out this new schedule. When I told godfather my plan he said “you’ll know one of two things: either it will work and you’ll be happy or it won’t work and you won’t be happy. Adjust accordingly.”
That’s what I plan to do!
Great post and advice! Some of my recent posts have been along this line where 1) I have potentially been over exercising combined with hard physical work to the point where I am exhausted and very sore, 2) I have been so busy with other crazy responsibilities in life that I have to force workout time in, then I feel guilty I am not doing the other “important” things and 3) I need to make sure I take the advice I give – I posted Sat how WILL POWER was so critical to maintain and then Sun fall off the wagon for a red wine and binge food fest. Lessons being learned… It’s great you were able to talk this out and get the guidance you did!!!
I think part of the reason (if not all of the reasons) I am making the food choices I am (cake in Houston. Cookies at school) is because I am rebelling against all the burdens I placed on myself. I think allowing myself a break here and there will help me make better choices all around.
Gotta love Val for her ability to see through us and put life into perspective just when we need it.
I applaud you for constantly adjusting your behavior to support your ever-changing reality. And I think you’re on to something when you replied to Glenda with, “I think part of the reason (if not all of the reasons) I am making the food choices I am (cake in Houston. Cookies at school) is because I am rebelling against all the burdens I placed on myself…” I’m no expert but I’m gonna go out a limb here and say that exercise and physical activity should make us feel good (if not a little sore) and if it’s wearing us down or sending us down some dark and twisty path to self-sabotage then we may be overdoing it. I’m excited to hear how this scaled back schedule works for you.