Sometimes I wake up and I feel like my brain is going to explode.
So many thoughts about my life, the people in my life, where I want to take my life and how I can make it all happen in the short amount of time I feel like I’ve pressured myself into. There is something to be said about waking up after “40 years of slumber” and actually have dreams of doing something awesome with your life: You feel like you’ve wasted so much time in the beginning and in the end there isn’t enough time to accomplish anything.
I will get so caught up in what I think has to be done that I’m too afraid to even start. Afraid of actually being successful at something (and something that I know I would kick ass in). Afraid that when I put it out to the universe that I would like too (insert Big Oprah style dream here) all I will hear are loud cricket sounds of no one responding. I go to an event like Fitbloggin and connect with amazing people doing amazing things and I feel all pumped to get home and work my magic except when I reach into my top hat to pull out the proverbial rabbit I come up with nothing.
And yet I know it’s all inside of me just waiting to be released.
I try to tell myself to slow down, to take it one step at a time. That my life now isn’t about making up for the last 40 some odd years of being lazy, morbidly obese and disconnected from my life. It’s about looking forward and while maybe I won’t ever be Oprah famous and change the entire world and the way we think about ourselves, I do have something to share not only with those that happen upon my blog/my twitter/my Facebook and that something is kind of big…
I need to look at the forward of my life like I did my weight loss. I tend to look big picture and get all freaked out. When I started for the umpteeth time to lose weight I started out BIG PICTURE. How the fuck was I supposed to lose 110 pounds just to be in “normal range”? It’s never going to happen so whats the point in even trying. Over and over again I’d feel pumped to at least *try* but soon after feel like a failure when it wasn’t coming off fast enough or possibly not at all. It’s how I started the last time too.
Big Picture Focused
I’d lose five or ten pounds and instead of feeling good about it, I’d be disappointed because it wasn’t ONE HUNDRED AND TEN POUNDS! It took quite the mind shift and body patience to stop focusing on the BIG PICTURE and break it into smaller achievable goals. Each time I lost five pounds I gave myself the necessary credit for the hard work (physically/emotionally/mentally) and then refocused on the next five. Funny how when you break things down into more “simple” easily achievable goals shit actually starts to get done around these parts.
So I’m trying to take a lesson from what I learned over the course of eleven months: Twenty two successful five pound weight loss goals still got me to the one hundred and ten pound big picture loss that I was so sure I couldn’t achieve. I may not ever be Oprah big but each small successful step in the right direction will bring me closer to that dream (that I deserve).
Now let’s talk about you for a minute.
Are you BIG PICTURE FOCUSED?
Let’s work on this together. Can you break things down into more manageable goals? Can you stop looking at the “Oh for Pete’s sake I can’t lose (insert big picture weight here) pounds” or the “I’ll never be able to accomplish (insert big picture life goal here)”? Can we make a pact to just slow down for a bit…slow way down and take those I will never be able to do this so why even try BIG PICTURE thoughts and break them down into something smaller? And if those something smaller goals still seem to much, break them down to even something smaller?
I have some pretty big dreams that I would like to accomplish but they won’t come to fruition if I just think about how impossible it’s going to be and so I should just never get started. Oprah didn’t start out owning the entire universe…She started in her “neighborhood” and remained goal oriented. She accomplished one thing at a time and at the end of the day all those small goals led to something SPECTACULAR!…
It doesn’t matter how “slow” you go as long as you continue to move forward!
Hot damn you are smart.
Even more so all the time. Because you actually see the cycle of your mistakes and go “Hey! Wait a minute! I’ve done this before and it didn’t work…so let me try what does work.”
Thanks for reminding me every day what does work. And I’ll remind you every day how amazing you are for it. (and how much I love you…)
#lawn
I am VERY big picture focused, and it’s scary. Not only with me weight loss, but with school. I am not even through with my bachelors degree yet and I find myself freaking out about graduate school, or possibly going to law school, what I plan to do with it…etc…etc… I feel like I need a very specific focus and big picture plan because I’m making up for the years I wasted.
Small steps. We all have very long paths ahead of us, and trying to get there in a single leap won’t get us anywhere near the end of it.
This is what I needed to read today. That despite the number of times I’ve hit road bumps, the point is I have picked myself up and started over again. I’ve continued to move forward, not backward and I have to remember that that in and of itself is a positive. The cliche “don’t think of how far you have left to go but how far you have already come” rings true. I used to weigh 313lbs. I do not weigh that now. I successfully lost 95lbs. I am NOT a failure. Yes, having children and dealing with some health issues have impacted my forward movement in the last 5 years but I’m still standing. I still have my goal in focus and it is still one of the most important things I want to achieve. We all have our own journeys, they all look different just like we all look different from each other. What works for some does not work for others and we have to stop comparing ourselves with other people and their successes because it does nothing but paralyze us in that we think “they did it, I still haven’t” when in fact we’re always moving closer to our own version of our goal. People have different distances and having to lose over 100lbs is NOT the same journey as having 10 or 20lbs to lose. The demons and reasons might be similar but fighting with all your might to win and achieve is much harder if you have much further to go. We’re all worth it. We all deserve to be the healthiest and happiest version of ourselves possible. I’m approaching 40 soon and I can say that while they have not been the easiest 40 years living in this body, I also know that those 40 years have also shaped who I am as a person – the good experiences and the bad. You have an innate ability to connect with everyone and be a source of energy and light for others who are in dark places. You’ve got the heart to win them over, make them see their true value and self worth and you’re the biggest cheer leader for everyone you meet. You’re one in a million T and I feel so goddamn glad that you’ve touched my life and am so looking forward to what the future also holds with you shining your light so brightly on it through your friendship. xo
Just reading your first paragraph a poem one of my TOPS folks read this past year came to mind, you might have read it before but if not I’ve included it. I think it is most people’s deepest fear.
I too didn’t start my journey till I was 40. Not sure what it is about that age but it seems for so many to make us realize we want more for ourselves.
Here’s the poem:
Our Deepest Fear
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
You really do seem to hold the power Tara with your words. I love that you have Meegan standing beside you shining just as bright too (even if she doesn’t think so) 🙂
I have slowed way down when it comes to weight loss. I started out in a rush to take the weight off and lost a good amount pretty fast. When the weight loss slowed down, I fell off the wagon a few time. For the first time, I didn’t panic and abandon my diet. I held steady for a while but am now back on track and getting closer to my goal. I have about 10 more pounds to lose and no time frame to do it in. I allow myself to be bad from time to time that way.
I think this may be a theme for many of us, and I guess it’s not surprising. The phrase that keeps coming to mind for me is “imperfect action” (and I have a blog post coming). When we’re focused on THE BIG PICTURE and everything that seems to rest upon it, it feels like there’s no one small action that could ever make a difference and WHAT IF WE MAKE A MISTAKE? Well, one small imperfect action is better than no action, right? Heck, I know I am preaching to the choir here. BTW, LOVE the poem that Dawn posted.
Yes Dawn love the deepest fear poem… it is from Marianne Williamson who wrote Course of Miracles. But back to the point, the Big Picture focus..versus small steps…BOTH for me stall me out. No matter if it is big picture past, big picture future or present day small steps…slowing down, taking time, living in the moment….they all seem to stir up the same thing…MY NEED TO CONTROL THE OUTCOME….so for me, I write it out both big and small, then I turn my focus on letting go of the outcome, being conscious of my choices, having faith and trusting that I can’t run the show because I don’t know everything…and yes..moving forward..or back or to the side…but making sure I am moving each day none the less…. not just letting my life pass me by
Such great advice! It’s so easy to look at others (things/life/accomplishments) and feel like we need to have them/be there/do that all right now. We forget it takes EVERYBODY years of hard work to get to where they are at in life & have what we see in this moment. Thanks for the great reminder- have a fabulous weekend!
I tend to go from one extreme to the other. I’m either overwhelmed by the big picture or completely in perfectionist mode with the small steps. Neither one of them is good. I’m back to a place where I want to lose 20 pounds, but I’m either thinking OHMYGOD20POUNDS or ONEMOREALMONDISGOINGTORUINME! Looking for some middle ground.
And this post totally reminded me of Tim’s Ignite talk about breaking stuff down into smaller chunks. I need to buy myself a corkboard!
Something I really needed to read. I think I should start setting smaller goals. I have been stuck at the same place for so long now it seems.
I sooo needed to read your post today about focusing on the big picture. I have been in the Biggest Loser mentality lately of “I need to lose double digits every week” as I go through weight loss. Yet I forget where I’ve come from and the sheer amount of weight I’ve lost in the last 7+ months, which is 183 pounds as of this week. So I just need to put one foot in front of the other and keep trekking along and I’ll get there, just like I got here. Thanks for being the voice of reason that I completely needed to hear today.
Like others have commented, I totally needed to read this right now. It’s so easy for me to get big picture focused! I struggle back and forth so often with things like, “I lost 140 pounds once and gained most of it back, so why bother?” or “I’m pushing 50 years old and single with no kids, so what’s the point? It’s not like I have some reason to want to live a long life.” I really need to step back and realize that since I did it before, I CAN do it again and keep it off this time! There’s so much I still want to do and see if life, so that’s an awesome reason to want to not only life a long life, but a healthy one at the same time! Thanks for the awesome reminder! xoxo
I love this post! You are so right. I have 50 pounds to lose and some days it feels like it will never happen. Along with all the things I want to do when I get to my healthy range. I realized I don’t have to wait to do those things. I’m working on the logistics but I think I’m going to do something to move forward with some of my dreams. Thank you for the reminder.
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