Week 5 marathon training (13 to go…)

Last week was a low point.

By comparison, this week was a high point.

This was a great week for me as a runner. As someone who is continually pushing through barriers (mostly the one’s in my own mind) I needed this week like it was no one’s business. It started with my “Are you moving or dying” video post. That 2 minute post shifted something in my brain. It helped me to get back to the basics of why I was running. I spent the rest of this week not worrying about pace and not listening to my mapmyrun program that told me when every mile was complete, and how fast I was running. Instead I went back to listening to my iPod shuffle filled with a funky array of music. Running when it felt good, walking when it felt necessary.

Saturday was my first double digit run since October. Over the last couple of weeks it’s been a constant battle of not comparing what I had done in the past with Ragnar and all the half marathons I did in the last year and the long ass trail run I conquered prior to coming to Halifax. Instead I’ve been fighting to compare what I’m doing today to what I was (or wasn’t doing) just two short years ago and more importantly even just 5 short weeks ago.

On February 14th of 2010 I wrote a post entitled “3 minute run and hello 244“. Two years ago I was 20 pounds into my weight loss journey and to quote “What I thought for sure was impossible was possible. I just ran 3 minutes.” The smile on my face in that post is amazing. That chubby, sweaty, dog ass tired face was so impressed with what I had been able to accomplish.

5 weeks ago running a constant 3 miles was physically challenging for me. It took some time to back into the swing of things and today those same 3 mile runs are much more easier than they were at the beginning of January. As I go forth with the marathon training this milestone of getting into the double digits was something I needed emotionally more than I needed physically.

I won’t lie though.

I had to be pushed out the door to do it.

I came up with every excuse I could use not to go yesterday. “I’m too sore” “There’s too much snow on the ground” “I can do it later” “I can do it tomorrow” Eventually Meegan would gently persuade me to put on my running gear and get out the door. I was scared to run 10 miles. I was scared to cross over into that distance because here on out, every weekend gets longer and longer. I didn’t know if I could push myself physically after a hard previous week and with the foot pain I was experiencing. I was defeated emotionally but couldn’t deny that my feet felt better and my runs this week had been pretty outstanding because I wasn’t caught up in times, just caught up in getting the miles in.

I spent most of the hour and fifty minutes thinking a lot about what it’s going to be like to step up to that starting line May 20th and how I’ll probably start crying long before I start running. I thought about what it’s going to be like to lay out my clothes the night before and how I’m going probably spend a few hours checking and rechecking to make sure everything is perfect. Then I got distracted by all the awesome things going on around me. People walking holding hands. Couples walking with their dogs. Itty Bitties (kids) laughing as they wobble a few feet from their parents on such a beautiful day. I never take pictures when I’m running but yesterday I couldn’t help it as I came to understand that this race will never be about time. This training is never going to be about making sure I PR (personal record) because this is my first marathon and that is my PR.

This was about getting to the top of a steep hill and patting myself on the back as I keep running even when my heart is beating so hard I can feel it in my feet. This is about taking the time to thank the small gaggle of children that have politely moved to the side under the instruction of their big people so that I can run by then without tripping over myself.

This was about singing as loud as I could with a favorite song that came up on my shuffle as it reminded me of a time (not so long ago) when I couldn’t run for three minutes. This was about feeling nostalgic as I thought about the weekend I spent running for 187 miles with people that I hardly knew and parting as family. This was about knowing that even if I couldn’t run 18 miles in the woods today that I will be able to run that again someday and that someday is coming very quickly.

This was about remembering to look up and take notice what was around me instead of looking down and wondering when the run was going to be over. This was about taking a moment to pull out my phone and take a picture because I had come to do what I had come to do: Run the 3 miles down to Point Pleasant Park and then around the circumference of the park twice (4 miles) and I wasn’t going to be coming around again and seeing the picturesque water, the ice still frozen in parts of the park nor these beautiful trees. It was time for me to run the last three miles back home and be finished with this 10 mile run. If I didn’t stop and take a picture the moment would be lost.

I don’t want to lose those moments that remind me that even when my body is sore, my lungs are tired and my feet don’t want to take another step that there is always beauty around me if I keep my eyes and my heart open. I don’t want to ever forget that two years ago I sat in my car and took a picture of me after running for three minutes and the second I took that picture I thought I had just done the impossible.

Every time I run, I am turning that three minute impossibility…

Into a reality.