Throw the damn glass at it!!!
This post is long in coming, but has taken forever to actually leave my brain, travel down my fingers onto the keyboard and make it to this blog. I’m still at a loss for words over what has transpired over the last week or so but I also can’t just not at least try to make some sense of what can now be described only as a true wrench in my life.
Without going into too much detail, I have been relieved of my position as a video relay interpreter for Sorenson communications as of last week Wednesday. To say I’m a little shook up by the entire situation would be a severe under estimate. I’ve been with the company for almost three years to the date and I walked out of there on Wednesday feeling like nothing more than a five digit number (my interpreter number used to identify myself) that had no value to the company except to process as many calls as possible so that the upper echelon of the company could reap the benefits of my work.
I’m trying my best to stay in the moment and to use the tools I’ve learned in the last six months to keep myself grounded in today and not go off into “oh my god, what am I going to do next week, next month” mode. It’s not easy. In fact it’s downright craptastically difficult. I’m trying to refrain from disconnecting my cable, turning off my internet and asking for my money back on all the training sessions I’ve purchased. I’m trying to refrain from selling everything in my house that isn’t nailed down. I’m trying to keep my thoughts right here in front of me and remember that this is not the end of the world.
It easy to feel like it is.
To know me, is to know that everything that used to define me was wrapped up in my work. My work made me a worthwhile person. Work made me a social person. It made me feel important. It kept chaos at bay. Work was what kept me sane. Over the course of the last six months I’ve come to understand that work not only DOES NOT define me as a person, it also cannot make my life any less complicated. My life is complicated because I allow it to be that way. So the only way to combat that is to not let it get that way. Sounds easy enough…
I’ve taken the steps to file for unemployment. I’ve continued to go to the gym everyday this week (and now that there is extra time staying for longer). I saw Coach Chuck on Friday and it was pure awesomeness. I’m reminding myself that there is some money saved up for a few months of house payments and come the end of September I’ll go back to work at the local community colleges in this area. I’m thinking about the paths I want to take in the near future and how I’m going to make sure those paths are successful while I travel on them. I’m thinking about leaving the profession of being an interpreter all together. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. It’s what I’ve wanted to do since I was in elementary school and it’s what I’ve enjoyed doing the last 10 years of my life. I’m looking to get more personal with people now. I’m not sure what that means but I want to experience the change in people that I’ve experienced over that last six months. I have something inside that needs to connect with people that feel there is no chance to live a different lifestyle. The change in me is the change possible in anyone. I want to be a part of that change, that solution, that feeling of “So this is what it means to live life”.
My husband has been extremely supportive through out this whole “holy hell I just got fired” feeling. He drove me back down to work to collect some of my things (most of which I just left behind), my food (cause you know I’m not leaving no Trader Joe’s food behind) and has been a constant ray of light reminding me that all is not lost. If unemployment comes through I should be okay for the summer time. If not, then we’ll figure out what to do at that point. I have some 401k that I can plug into if need be. I’m just going to relax over the next couple of weeks, pick up some sub work here and there, and live life the best way that I know how…
Digging Deep and then Digging Deeper!!!
- I will not allow myself to get depressed. There is nothing to be depressed over. This is just a situation, this is not the end of the world.
- I will not use food to make me feel better. Food is fuel. Food is not my therapist. Food is part of the solution. It is not part of the problem any longer.
- I will not allow the old sabotaging tapes to play inside my head. I will not look in the mirror and think negative thoughts about myself. I will not look at my body and tell myself I’m ugly or fat because I am neither of these things. In fact I am 60 pounds lighter today than I was six months ago and I actually enjoy looking at myself.
- I will continue to get out of bed and I will continue to move forward.
- I will go to the gym everyday for at least an hour. Breaking a sweat will be a priority over the next couple of weeks. This is the most important journey of my life and it will not take a back seat for anything.
- I will continue to see a trainer twice a week. I have 25 sessions paid for so there is no need for me to do anything but use them. Coach Chuck said he can give me at least two weeks of sessions as well before a decision has to be made about whether or not to switch over. This will put me at the end of September at which time I will re-evaluate whether to continue with trainer.
- I will register for my triathlon and I will continue to train. My husband forbade me to even have one miniscule thought about not participating in the September triathlon. That’s why I keep him around!!!
- I will continue to run. In fact I will be able to participate in the July 17th 10k run here on Vashon Island. I registered and then found out I had a work related workshop that I was required to attend. No work = not required. Things are looking better already!
Life will continue to move forward. It’s only been a few days and over the course of those days I’ve felt a plethora of emotions. I’ve cried and laughed. I’ve shouted and stomped my feet like a three year old. I’ve also danced around my living room, excited over the possibilities…
Life isn’t over.
It’s just different.
Watch for that glass cause I’m giving it a good throw at life!
Can you see the positivity that is glowing through your words even in a tough week? You have all of the right things in mind to do and not to do. In fact this is likely happening in your life right now because you are equipped to handle it. And handle it with grace and strength I might add.
I always wonder when things like this happen to great people if the universe does not have some major opportunity in mind. Its as though things are paving the way for something amazing to come to you. I do not doubt for a single second that is what is happening for you right now. I cannot wait to see what amazing things you will make happen in your life now that there is space for it to happen.
Keep your head exactly where its at and keep moving forward – more of the good stuff is on its way!
Thanks Meegan…hell worse comes to worse I’m gonna bike to all my blogging friends and write a book about the whole experience. Whoa, what did I just say there? Okay let me write that down somewhere…
That may be one hell of a stroke of genius right there! Feel free to make your first stop Halifax, NS – Canada!
What a tough cookie you are! It’s obvious you’ve been thrown for a loop, but sounds like you’re riding out the situation with grace and determination. I’m with Meegan – you are clearly better equipped to handle this now than you would have been six months ago, and I’m willing to bet you’ve got something awesome and unexpected getting ready to burst into your life. Can’t wait to find out what it is. Also, your hubby sounds as awesome as mine is. You’ve got a keeper!
you do have an awesome husband!
He’s pretty much a keeper.
Tara, You are an awesome individual. I have been where you are right now, but I was mentally unequipped to handle it. You are in a better spot than 6 months ago and you have the support of your husband which is always good. This is just a speed bump in your journey. The bike thing is an awesome idea! I want in!
Let’s just hope for a small speed bump and not some ginormous mountain size speed bump.
Tara, I’ve been reading your blog for awhile and you continue to impress me. It sounds like your head is in a really strong healthy place right now.
Thanks!
Tara, life has gotten in your way, but you obviously have your head in the right place. You have job prospects on the horizon, you have some savings, and it sounds as if you have a very supportive husband. You are right to plan to spend some of your extra time at the gym – you know it will help your stress.
We are here for you, and it’s good that you have gotten it out. Keep up the positive attitude, girl, you are STRONG!!
Thanks Jo. Everyday is a mix bag of emotions but I’m just keeping my head down and moving forward.
Oh Tara, I’m so sorry this happened to you. You have such a great attitude and I am sure that you’ll make it through fine.
When I was 8 mos. pregnant with my youngest of 3 kids my husband lost his job. They just let him go. This was 5 years ago but I will never ever forget the helplessness I and he both felt. What were we supposed to do? Anyway, things worked out. It was hard to see it at the time, but it was a blessing in disguise and we both learned so much from it.
I was thinking of you a little while ago. Thinking about sending you an email telling you how much you have inspired me these past months. I’ve been at a plateau for about 3 mos. Anyway, seeing your posts and you doing this and losing every week has made me re-evaluate where I am and why I’m not losing like I once was. So thank you for that, I really mean it. And keep on showing me those losses and posts about your training sessions! 🙂
Wow Bobbie, thanks for that comment! It’s funny how we both inspire each other and it just keeps the momentum going. You help to push me forward so that I can help push you forward so that you can help me push forward so that I can help push you forward….
I’m sorry about your job, but then again look at some of the positives that come out of it. Keep your head up and keep kickin ass at the gym!
I’m trying Miss Molly!
You have an awesome husband and you are facing this with a positive attitude! I hope all is well and it gets bettter but meanwhile, stay postitive!
Thanks Deb…staying positive is one of the hardest things to do right now. Must.Stay.In.The.Moment. lol
HEy tara, I am so sorry you got fired.
holy crow. NO heads up or nothin.
That’s crazy.
I love this post because when my hubby was getting out of the military and our future was really uncertain, I was tempted to sell everything and hunker down as well.
It all worked out, the fact that you are playing out positive scenarios in your own head is a good sign that you’ll get through this better and stronger.
Sending positive thoughts to you and your family.
Thanks Chris. Yhea pretty much no head’s up or nothing. Had major freakout yesterday but survived to live another day 🙂
LATE TO THIS but hoping that, since I am, youve read all these amazing supportive comments and are sloooowly emerging through the other side.
Ive been where you are.
xo xo
Miz, you can always be late!!!! Slowly emerging = yes. Scared as hell = yes.
Oh man… that sucks! Hang in there girl. Life has something great in store for you.
Thanks Sarah, I’m looking forward instead of behind!
Hang in there! You’re right. There are so many possibilities — what about looking into a deaf education teaching certificate? It would give you an opportunity to continue to use your signing skills but will allow to relate directly with students and their families. The deaf educators I worked with always loved their jobs. Oh…and summers off. Yum.
I also like the biking/book writing idea! =)
I’m looking to get out of working with the Deaf Community all together. I’ve been here a long time and I think I just need a break. As long as I keep my CEU’s every year I can always come back.
Tara, I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now! On the other hand, I always feel like if you let it, life always ends up giving you what you need. I know you are a strong woman who will turn this potentially negative situation into a positive for you, your health, your life, your marriage – everything! This post is evidence that you’re already doing that.
I’ve been where you are, and it sucked. But looking back, I learned so much and became a stronger person because of it. Amen to throwing the glass at life when it gives you sour, yucky lemons!
Thanks Val. If nothing else this gives me plenty of time to come up North and run with you and Jord!
Given what you’ve just experienced, your attitude is amazing. You’re absolutely right, there’s nothing you can do to change the situation with your former employer, so the thing to do is to just move forward. You sound like you’re doing just that, and with a great plan in place. I hope the unemployment comes through so that you’re able to take a bit of a break (which I’m sure you need) this summer.
Thanks Bella. I hope it comes through as well. That would take a load of pressure off of me and this situation. If not…well I’ll tackle that when it comes too!
You’re will/will not lists are so spot on. You have developed some incredible coping skills in the last 6 months, most importantly self confidence. I’m glad you have the support of your husband in this. The lemon moments make you appreciate the sweet moments all that much more.
You’re considering to switching over to Coach Chuck? Does that mean you still haven’t heard from Superman? I hope he’s okay.
I’ve not yet heard from Superman. It’s been 10 days since he called. Over a month since we last had a session together. Since no one has seen/heard from him I guess I need to prepare to switch. I really like Chuck and if I had worked out with all of the trainers I think he would have been my first choice not knowing what awesomeness Superman had.
You are one of my heroes.
Keep kicking!
I’m so sorry about your job, I know a little bit about Sorenson’s corporate management and understand the company is expecting to face very difficult times. It sucks so bad you’ve been hit.
Hang in there! <3
The difficult times started for them a while back. I thought I had some time left to keep working there. I guess they thought otherwise.
Tara: Sorry to hear of your job loss. You have such an amazing attitude and support from your husband that I am sure you will be finding work in no time. You are an inspiration to me and I wish you well on your job seek. Keep your chin up and hang in there. Thinking about your Superman too.
Keeping my chin up for sure!!! Thanks for thinking of Superman. If I only had some news to report but as of yet still no word.
One thing that really helps me is to realize that not every “bad” situation is actually all that bad, and not every “good” situation is actually all that good. You only gain through sacrifice.
I think it’s wonderful that you will continue to get out of bed and push forward. There’s NOTHING to be gained by doing nothing. Make yourself the person you want to be. Your work doesn’t define you. YOU define you.
And HEY, run that 10K. Nothing is holding you back now.
And always remember: when one door closes, others will open, you just have to look for the openings.
You’re right. Nothing is gained by doing nothing. I’m running that 10k for sure and I’m going to run it with a damn smile on my face!
I’m incredibly proud of the way you are handling this. When I first became unemployed, I flopped around like a fish out of water. I had nothing to secure me to reality or even myself.
You seem as if you will be able to weather this storm. No matter how big ther blow. You have support at home, and on the web. We all love you. You can do this.
On those days that it might feel hard, read your comments. On those days you feel you might give up, read your own posts. YOU can do this. Your end result might not be the same as what you think it may be now, coming into it, but you are on an amazingly solid path…full of love, hope, vigor, and strength.
You are our inspiration just as much as we are yours. Life is like that: feeding off on another. Symbiotic relationships.
There are so many forms.
I think you have found many types here.
Awww Rinn, thanks for your words. I will weather this storm and I have some clear goals in mind. Every step I take puts me closer to getting to those goals. I’m excited by what can be done and who I can become!
I’m so sorry to hear about that Tara. It’s a very tough position to be in, but I love how positive you’re remaining through it, however difficult that may be.
You WILL get through this, just as you have gotten through many other hardships, because you are an extremely strong person. And oh yeah, because YOU ROCK!
Thanks Brandon, there are times when I don’t feel very strong but I just can’t not keep moving forward for sure. BTW, love the new blog name. So very appropriate for a kick ass dad like your
Life isn’t over, it’s just different.
I love that. A very close and dear friend to me lost his job yesterday. It’s so not easy. When the dust settles and he’s ready for a little positivity, I’ll direct him to this post. It’s a situation, not the end of the world.
Thanks.
Thanks MFA. If I thought it was over then all the hard work I’ve put into this journey for the past 6 months would be for nothing. I’m not going down like that and you tell you’re friend he’s not going down like that either!
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