I am not in a good place right now. I don’t even know where to begin so I’m just going to let my fingers click across this keyboard and see where I end up. I want to quit the #100daychipquest challenge. I’m really mad at myself and I feel stupid for letting someone I don’t even know get to the very core of my emotions but that is exactly what has happened. One of my goals for the next 100 days was to consciously throw away food because I am in a continual state of panic. I know I don’t need to explain what that mean again especially if you’ve been reading this blog for a while. I’m on day three and up to earlier today all was going well. I was consciously deciding to let food go and sit with the panic that was resonating inside of me. I cried, I prayed, I let my emotions run amok in my body but not once did I resort to over eating or throwing food away only to grab more to soothe the emotions I was feeling. I was taking pictures and posting them on twitter to prove in fact that I was throwing away food and sticking to my goal. It helped me. It was keeping me accountable. If I was taking a picture and posting it I wouldn’t be able to sneak in one last bite. You wouldn’t know but I would know and I was in this to be successful not hide and lie about what I was doing.
Today after posting a picture I had the following conversation with someone via twitter
Them – “not to be rude, but you throw a lot of food away…Very wasteful“
Me – “I can’t tell if you’re being serious so I’ll just pose this question: do you know why I’m throwing it away?
Them – “yes I know, but isn’t there any less wasteful solution? If I’m missing something please explain“
Me – “No actually, I don’t need to explain. Your definition of wasteful and my definition of saving my life are different and that’s okay”
Them – “You can save you life by making less food or ordering kids meals if you know half of your plate is going to the garbage“
Me – “Its okay to disagree with what I’m doing. If I was interested in other alternatives I would ask. You think you understand but you don’t and that’s okay too”
Them – “As I said in my 1st tweet I don’t mean to be rude. Just wanted to let you know it breaks my heart to see all that waste“
Me – “Funny because it breaks my heart that I’ve never been able to eat without panic and I’m finally trying to change that”
This person has no idea what it’s like to live in my body, my mind, and my emotional state of disarray. I thought long and hard about taking the steps to let food go and to not go chasing after it once it’s left my sight. Why the fuck do I want to order off the fucking kids menu?!? I’m a grown fucking woman thank you very much. I’m so pissed right now I just can’t even get my thoughts together. I feel stupid for thinking this was a good idea. For thinking maybe just maybe I could get this under control and 100 days from now I’d be able to eat something calmly and without fear. I’m so mad with myself. A person I don’t even know has caused me to become that small kid sitting at the dinner table, tummy bloated, because my mother didn’t know how to portion control and forcing me to eat everything or a) sit at the table until it was gone or b) have it for breakfast the next morning…
Do you know how shitty cold liver tastes in the morning?
Or how lonely it can be sitting at the table for hours?
Your opinions are yours. You are entitled to them. But don’t use negative words like wasteful and breaks your heart…want to know what’s wasteful? The farms in the midwest only growing corn to feed the mass production of cows that feed the mass production of obesity in the United States. That’s fucking wasteful. You want to know what breaks my heart? For once I would like to sit down to a meal and fully enjoy it. To taste the textures and the warmth of my food. To stop for a moment and think about how a particular food is taking me back to a time of clarity and love. To put my fork down and know without certainty that I am in control and there is no need to panic anymore because my world is safe…
Instead I eat without taste. I eat without enjoyment. I’m usually thinking about whether or not the person sitting with me is going to leave food on their plate and how in the world can they do that and even more fucked up will they let me eat it? I’m thinking about what life would have been like if for just one fucking second my mother gave a crap about what she was doing when raising a sweet little girl with so much wasted potential…
It’s the night before my race and I should be full of excitement.
Instead I’m angry and deflated. I don’t want someone I don’t even know to have this kind of power over me. Its easy to say “just let it go Tara” but I can’t. Its so fucking frustrating. I feel like I don’t deserve to inspire people. I feel like I don’t have a right to care about what other people are doing to take back their lives because in my own life I’m wasteful. I’m stupid. I’m careless. Thoughtless. Without feeling towards others. Logical Tara knows this is not rational thinking but logical Tara can go jump off a fucking cliff right now. This is emotional Tara writing this blog. Watch your words. Keep opinions to yourself. You have no idea what is going on in my head and how I got to where I am today. I’ve fought tooth and nail to lose this weight and gain this life. It would be wasteful and heartbreaking to let you get to me…
But you did.
I am not going †o soothe you with my words. I’ll use someone else’s, Holly Cole’s, to be exact. I love you, THIS you, the pissed-off, disappointed feeling-unworthy YOU:
Cry if you want to
I won’t tell you not to.
I won’t try to cheer you up,
I’ll just be here if you want me.
It’s no use in keeping a stiff upper lip,
You can weep, you can sleep
You can loosen your grip.
You can frown, you can drown
And go down with the ship.
You can cry if you want to.
Don’t ever apologize venting your pain,
Its something to me you don’t need to explain.
I don’t need to know why,
I don’t think it’s insane.
You can cry if you want to.
The windows are closed,
The neighbors aren’t home,
If it’s better with me than to do it alone,
I’ll draw all the curtains,
And unplug the phone
You can cry if you want to.
You can stare at the ceiling,
And tear at your hair,
Swallow your feelings,
And stagger and swear.
You can show things and throw things
And I wouldn’t care.
You can cry if you want to.
I won’t make fun of you.
I won’t tell anyone.
I won’t analyze what you do
Or you should have done.
I won’t advise you to go and have fun.
You can cry if you want to.
Well it’s empty and ugly
And terribly sad.
I can’t feel what you feel,
But I know it feels bad.
I know that it’s real
And it makes you so mad.
You can cry.
Cry if you want to,
I won’t tell you not to.
I won’t try to cheer you up.
I’ll just be here if you want me to be near you.
First of all Tara…thank you for this post
Second of all Elsa…thank you for that song, I really needed to read those words right now this very second. All my life I have been the one who has to be strong, the one who has to fix it, the one who takes care of everyone else with little care of myself in all of this I’m the mother, the friend to lean on, the mother to my mother(instead of just being a daughter)…and when i have let myself slide for even a moment i have been called everything from a victim or a liar to being told i was just attention seeking. I’m working really hard and painfully to feel some emotions that I have kept hidden behind walls and doors for more years than I would like to count.
It breaks my heart that someone would even say this to you! I may not completely understand what you are going through and how you must feel about food that you feel panicked about throwing it away. However, I do know that you are aware of what is going on. You are working on fixing yourself, saving your life. And you need to do this. Do not quit! Do not let one person’s ignorance get in the way of you saving yourself! Obviously they are quite ignorant and really do not know you well at all. I understand that what you are doing is not to be wasteful, but honestly I do not need to understand. It’s not my, nor anyone else’s, place to judge for anything you are doing. You are doing what is necessary to better yourself. Please know that you are worth saving, you are worth going through 100 days to get where you need to be. You inspire people everyday, but when it comes down to it, you must inspire yourself!
I hate to see that one person has pulled you down so far. That I completely understand. How can one person have that much power over us? It’s incredible. Yet, logical Tara is right. It’s ok to be mad, but do not let this one ignorant idiot make you feel like you’re not worth it, because you definitely are!
I did not know why you were throwing the food away until I read this post.
I knew it was your 7 day chip and I was proud of you for getting through it each day.
Do not let 1 person ruin your race this weekend that you are going to rock!!!!!
And you have come so very fay my friend I know you will not quit now 🙂
I’m not going to tell you to snap out of it. I’m not going to tell you to let it go. Because I know you will in your own time, in your own (healthy) way. You’ve come so far, and I know moments like that it seems like you haven’t but you have. Hell, do you know how far you are just to sit down and blog out your feelings like this? To feel everything up front and not shut it down? Girlfriend, that is progress. That is HEALTH.
That twitter girl? She’s got her own issues going on. I know this because people only cut others down when they need to feel bigger. She wanted to feel better than you, like she’s so much more aware and concious. She’s not. No one is more concious about YOU than YOU.
I swear to you, Tara..you got this. I KNOW you’ve got this. And 100 days from now you’re going to keep going. Just like you kept going with your weight loss. Just like you kept running even when you could only run a few minutes at a time. I know in my heart that you’re going to keep on with your 100 day challenge because you’ve proven time and time again that you’re a fighter and you push through.
Love you, Tara. I hope you feel better as soon as you can. And rock out your race tommorow for me, okay?
When rational Tara is ready, here are my thoughts.
You inspire me. I have gone through a lot of shit in my life, but not to the extent you have, and when I see you moving forward in spite of your fear, it helps me. It shows me it’s possible.
Your life changing journey is about YOU. If someone doesn’t get what you’re doing, or why, it doesn’t really matter. Throwing away food to prove to yourself that you can, and it will be ok, is your choice. If this person doesn’t like it, they can stop following your twitter, blog, whatever. They can live their life their way.
I think you’ll be able to regroup from this. You are strong and powerful and in control of your life. You are making choices to improve your life. Take care.
PLease please please don’t quit the #100dcq because of some ignorant btch. you need to do what you need to do and you’re the only only only person that knows what that is. it is a fuckin free country and u can throw away food if you want to. You’re not being any more wasteful than anyone else in this country. Please don’t quit… For us… But most of all for you. we love you and want you to be the best tara u can be! Xoxo
Tara, this has been working for you, so FUCK THEM for interfering. Some people are self-righteous know-it-alls that are incapable of empathy. This is a train go sorry moment. Yeah, you are not eating every last bite of every item of food that crosses your path. SO WHAT. What the fuck are you supposed to do, take what you are choosing not to eat and deliver it to the food bank?
It’s okay to feel hurt and angry. Your choices were attacked by someone lacking some pretty fucking essential information. Yes, it hurts to be judged. But you listen to me right now- as someone who does know more about your story and is capable of empathy- FUCK THEM. You need to take care of Tara. I’m talking lonely, little Tara; emotionally fat Tara; and the Tara that inspires more people than she knows on a daily basis.
If taking care of Tara means not ripping open the pouch of Jason’s Maple Almond Butter and licking it clean, then so be it (ok, that was me, but stick with me here). If you decide to quit with the #100daychipquest, then fine. But let that decision come from you and not from someone else’s ignorant opinion.
You are safe, Tara. You are surrounded by people who love you, respect you, and are in awe of you. Every. Single. Day.
you know you are in control. you decide your fate. this stranger has hit a nerve…. but she has no real idea what it’s like. your three days is a huge feat.
don’t stop. get back on it…. and run that race like it’s nobody’s business!
You inspire me with how strong of a woman you’ve always been.
Don’t let one person deflate you.
Don’t let excuses rule you.
Reach down deep and grab your strength to move post and beyond.
You’ve come so far. Don’t stop now.
I don’t know who said these things to you, but I do know that the world is filled with idiots who cannot see past their own judgments. I understand that you are upset – and rightfully so.
But what I hope you realize quickly is that this person may have bothered you/judged you/hurt you, but they do not – nor will they ever – define you.
You have come so far…and figured out what works for you. Let that person donate an extra 5 bucks to the charity that they, no doubt, support with their whole heart and paycheck. 😉 And you concentrate on loving yourself.
We love you.
Tara,
I have just discovered your blog and I have been completely moved by the journey you have been on. I am awed and inspired by your ability to keep moving forward, and with all of the amazing changes you have made to your life.
Please don’t allow the careless words of a stranger to undo all that you have done for yourself.
I am so furious on your behalf, not just at the thoughtless person who judged you without knowing what the fuck she was talking about, but at your mother and at all the suffering you have endured over this. You are being SO BRAVE in dealing with this so head on and so honestly and in finding a path that directly addressed YOUR ISSUES.
Let the feelings wash through you. And then come right back before day 4 begins and resume your beautiful healing path. You so deserve this. And so does the little girl choking down the liver. You deserve so much better, and YOU KNEW how to go about doing it. Keep doing it.
We are all here Tara, holding our hands in a giant human chain of love and protection. You have inspired so many of us in innumerable ways. We are NOT going to let you veer away from this.
You have a beautiful, victorious run tomorrow and then get back to the most healing 100 days of your life.
LOVE.
I’m glad you are venting & not denying your emotions and your feelings. I’m realizing that is what has gotten me 100lbs overweight. I’ve tried to pretend everything was just fine all the time. It’s not.
I just have to tell you that you are so inspiring to me. I keep checking your blog & tweets day after day. Knowing you have been where I was & that you are succeeding in making such wonderful changes keeps me going.
I hope you have a wonderful race tomorrow!
Some people are idiots, that’s for sure. They don’t understand the journey that we’re on and how hard we’ve worked, and how far we’ve come. You are loving you, and working on you; and that’s what counts!!! That person can not understand what we do and what we’re going through, just be you! BE TARA! BE KICK ASS! BE AMAZING! and keep working on you!
LOVE YOU, girl!
you may have to defriend this individual through this challenge. In no way should you give up.
I too was made to sit for hours in front of a plate of food that was filled for me…Until Ilearned to either cram it down or slide it into my pockets or into my shirt and flush it. It’s f’d up for a parent to do that.
I remember my big brother leaving one bite on his plate to prove a point. Every night he would sit there for hours. I would ask him why, he said “to prove I can”.
I get it now.
You are doing it to prove you can. So don’t let nimrod stop you.
breaks my heart my ass.
starving children in africa break my heart.
children dying of cancer break my heart.
someone throwing unwanted food into the garbage..
not even worth bitching about.
There is so much love and light surrounding you.
I am proud of you, but I don’t even know you.
YOU, my dear girl, are a big part of the reason I push through days with this journey when I don’t even want to.
You INSPIRE me
You HELP me
and most of all, don’t JUDGE me.
Beautiful, Powerful, Selfless Tara – You don’t have to “just let this go” – my suggestion would be to hang on to it and use it. When it gets tough use this anger to push through. When you start feeling fatigued tomorrow use this finish strong. What she put out as negative energy, you turn it around, because that is what you do. I’ve read example after example in your blog. You use your pain and your worry and the negativity life sometimes throws at you and you make amazing changes and amazing successes. If this small minded individual wants to leave some energy on the table – I recommend you use it.
Fuck em – you can’t help everyone.
I swear…you need to stay out of my head. I read the words you write and have to stop myself, remind myself…Im not the ONLY person in the world who has such a relationship with food and battles it every day–every frickin minute. In my mind, in my heart, in my soul. Every fricken second.
I too grew up in a household who thought that there were starving kids in china and I damn well better clean that plate or sit there alone at the table and cry. What the hell were portions? a 12inch dinner plate, with platters and platters of food passing in front of my face like a conveyer belt…..my mom had to ensure HER kids would NEVER go hungry like she did…all her life rifling through dumpsters at 5 and 6 years old because her family was dirt poor. Not HER kids…hell no.
Great. Thanks.
I was applauded with food, celebrated with food, consoled with food, punished with food…and punished without it. Real healthy relationship with food growin up . She feels aweful all these years later, realizing what she did and thats all fine and dandy… but IM THE ONE fighting for my life.
You speak of panic. I know it well. bastard.
You speak of the judgement.. yeah….sigh… thats all too familiar.
Dumbshit, ignorant, holier-than-tho bitches who say crap like that to you need to be shut down, in every way that matters. SHe wouldnt know that there is a “safety” in seeing all that food in front of someone. If I WANTED to eat it, I could, and appease that shit-hole panic.
If Im faced with a 6inch side-plate with .005 oz. of grilled fish and 1 string bean…why I may incite a revolt, right there on the spot. ((Doesnt matter that if I order 8oz of grilled fish, steamed veggies, brown rice, whole wheat roll and 20 pats of best life butter— VISUALLY I GET TO SEE IT> I GET TO DECIDE. I KNOW I HAVE OPTIONS.)) Sure in a perfect world, where healthy relationships with food abound, a healthy meal and portion would not even be a consideration. Thats not my world. Maybe never will be…but I will keep trying. I will fail. I will cry. I will piss, moan and groan and even throw a plate at the wall and break it. That is why it its a journey…a battle.
You have your demons. YOU DEAL WITH THEM HOW YOU DO. Period. Its not right or wrong…it is YOUR journey. It is your exploration of who you are and why you do what you do, or dont. No one knows you better than you do.
I am pissed that she stole your joy for tomorrow. I am pissed she thought she had the right to question you. Shes not Godfather. Shes not Michael. She’s not Mitch… and those are people who know you. care about you. Even then, they take great care when asking, prodding, poking you to explore.
You have the right to be pissed!!! Use it. Take that shit out of your back pocket and put it right there on your shoulder so it can stare down the road at your accomplishment as you run. You show IT that YOU are in charge. YOU WIN. period.
Handful of thoughts – anyone who says “I don’t mean to be rude but” may as well say “I’m planning to be rude to you with this comment.”
I’m seeing quite a few people in this list who I don’t normally “hear” eff-bombs dropping eff-bombs in your favor. I agree.
Fuck this rude stranger. You rock, you have inspired me in ways I don’t know that I can ever fully express in words, and we love you.
W.W.O.P.D.
What is wasteful is all the food we have eaten that our bodies didn’t need. Hoarding unused–and unwanted–food on our bodies as fat.
We must each fight our own fight. You are the only one who can possibly know how you feel and what is right for you. You are the only one who can say what the next step on your path is, because you are the only one with your perspective.
It is right to feel insulted because someone is questioning you, especially because you have surely questioned yourself in the past and know the grief it can bring, and now you finally know what you need and are going after it.
Feel what you need to feel, then do what you need to do.
I feel sorry for the Twitter commented. She may be so out of touch w/ her own food relationships that the concept of having enough control to throw it away is completely foreign to her. That, or she’s a “normal” eater ( is there such a thing?) who has no idea what those of us w/ food issues face.
If it’s the former, hopefully she’ll one day have the veil lifted and be horrified that she ever commented like she did. If it’s the latter, hopefully she’ll understand from today’s post and all these powerful comments that she should learn some empathy and not comment on something she truly doesn’t understand.
It’s like someone telling Picasso his art is no good because it’s different. A comment like that only shows the commenter’s total cluelessness…it doesn’t (and shouldn’t) have any impact on the artist.
That said, your reaction is totally understandable. You are putting it all out there for us to see and benefit from. You’re miles ahead of me on this journey, but obviously still on your journey…when you are stretching to attain something new you’re especially emotionally vulnerable…anyone would be. Her comment was a bump in the road and a reminder of the attitude you are working to overcome by throwing food away. Throwing it away is demonstrating your control over it. I hope and pray she understands that one day.
I am the person you are all bashing and bad mouthing…
Here is my response to Tara…
http://gettingmysexybodyback.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-tara.html
I just wanted to Thank You, not only for this post today that YOU needed, but for the MANY others that WE (and specifically me) need.
Your honesty which is the sum or your strengths and weakness is much appreciated and you need to deal with your issues as YOU see fit.
Keep on kicking ass because you can (x that and put in: ARE in place of can).
for every person who doesn’t “get it” there is another one who does… they don’t define you… there’s always going to be some one who won’t “agree” but they haven’t been in your shoes… I have.. I am… I TOTALLY get it… you are incredible! You’re on an amazing journey and doing whatever it takes to be the best person you can be, that’s inspirational…. Doll x
Okay, you might all hate me, but I don’t think the other person was being horribly rude or deserves to be called some of the awful names they have been called in the comments. I actually hope they don’t read your blog because if it had been me the responses in your comments would break me. I know people are just trying to defend you because we all love and support you, but tearing someone else down isn’t the way to do that. That makes me a bit sad to see so many of the people I look to for support calling someone else a bitch and an idiot just because they expressed their opinion which hit a very sensitive nerve with you. Maybe they were sensitive to the wasting of food because as a child they never had enough? Or still don’t? Maybe it felt like you were bragging about throwing the food out and that hit their sensitive nerve. You never know another person’s story. It’s almost ironic to read the words in that image you posted “words can hurt” when that’s exactly what the words here can do to that other person. I don’t know, that just rubbed me the wrong way. 🙁
Other thoughts. I’m pissed at your mom. Of all the things I’m most mad at it’s what your mom did to you. Really. I understand how scarring things like that can be and how they affect you for the rest of your life. In your case throwing out food is part of the healing process and good for you for recognizing what you need to do and doing it.
Also, good luck in the race! I hope you do great!
This is the only comment I’m replying too. You’re right Mary. My intentions were to not have people come here and say the negative things that have been said here. I’m not blaming her for my feelings…they are mine. I know her words were not intentionally said to make me resort to an emotional heap. They did. I worked through them. I’ve moved on. I don’t want her to think the words here in the comments are expressing how I’m feeling. They don’t. I was (am) mad at myself and myself only for having the feelings that came up. But I also accept them as my feelings…no one else’s. Thank you for standing up for her. I appreciate that more than you know.
Thanks Mary….I was thinking the SAME things as I was reading through the comments. I saw the exchange on Twitter. I can see both sides. THAT is the emotional part of this journey! But here is a tweet I saw this morning and IMMEDIATELY thought of Tara AND this whole social media stuff….
If people say something about you… Judge you as if they know you. DON’T GET AFFECTED! JUST THINK: dogs don’t bark if they know the person….
AND THAT goes both ways… Being part of this community..we have our friends..we have our support networks..AND we can be left on the outside ALOT! But all in all, especially in a journey for our “chip” we take WHAT we need and we LEAVE the rest….
AND as for YOU Tara…… my #fgm thought…. Perhaps the tweet came to you as a gift….often when we put a MAJOR change or struggle out there to deal with this once and for all… GOD responds in a manner that we might not understand! AND you went with it… I would BET that you have the most profound race ever today…. xoxo
That Mary…She’s a smart one huh?
I agree. When we were growing up we recieved government assistance because my mom was 16 when she had me. So, we never had enough food in the house. Ramen noodles were breakfast and dinner sometimes, and in the summer when we didn’t have school lunches we’d either be hungry or go to my grandparents.
I think it affected me in the same way, but I didn’t feel it was my place to question someone else’s healing process. I still don’t.
But I agree with you Mary, and can definitely see both sides. Thank you for your enlightened comment!
Tara, I really truly hope the person didn’t come from a place of malice, and it was all just a misunderstanding/difference in point of views.
*hugs all around*
I’m just going to send you warm thoughts and hugs! Don’t quit something that is this important to your continued well-being just because someone else doesn’t agree. We are all on our own path.
You’ll get through this. Well done for allowing yourself to express your feelings this way – it’s healthy.
Good luck for your race! You’ll do great!
I’ve sat at the table staring at a pile of mush. Pushing it around with my fork to make it look like I might have taken a bite, so maybe dad would have the heart to let me leave it. I’ve fallen asleep at the table when he said no. I was left there, not carried to my bed, I’ve sat though breakfast as my brothers ate their cheerios. I’ve gone to school the next day, sweet talked the lunch lady, eaten 4 servings of pizza, corn, and brownies. I’ve come back to dinner the next night and destroyed the whole meal. “See, I ate it all. Good stuff dad, I’ll even eat some more!,” Will that make you happy? Will that make up for the day before? I’m just a kid after all and I want to make you happy.
I know you know what it feels like to be on the outside looking in. There is a cultural difference in the persons comments as well. I know you both via blogging, and would give big ass hugs to both. I know this blog post is EFT. I’d like to think that logical Tara would be able to tell our fellow member in arms that “right now I don’t have the tools to deal, this is what I need to do.”
-James, a life long member of the clean plate club (all i got was fat, still haven’t gotten my t-shirt)
Tara, are you doing this for you? Or are you doing this to be popular on the Internet? To the masses online, you are interesting. A “story.” Possibly inspiring. We don’t see *you* we see what you say. We think about it. We have an opinion. We differ. We agree. We discuss. We challenge. The Internet is not a free stadium of cheerleaders and fans.
First, love. Second, peace. Third, hugs. Your valid hurt over this exchange is all based on a much deeper hurt from a long time ago…
I too know what it’s like to sit there with cold food on my plate that I hate but am being forced to eat because “there are starving children in China.” I know what it’s like to be told I’ll have to eat it for breakfast. I know what it’s like to try and gag it down and then throw it back up and be told to eat THAT. While they look at me in disgust.
I applaud you for coming here and getting it out. For being angry. So often a rather innocent back-and-forth turns into something so much more…people like us internalize it and it turns into THE VOICE…it’s not the other person’s voice any more…and it’s not even our own voice. It’s the insidious VOICE!
THE VOICE needs to be taken care of, either with a furious “fuck you, you’re not the boss of me” or an “okay kiddo, what’s really going on here? you’re okay and so am I” or even an amused, detached, “huh?”
Know what I mean?
THE VOICE will always make an appearance when we least expect it and
certainly when we don’t want it to…just remember…it’s NOT your voice.
I love you Tara – lock, stock & barrel. Would you believe me that when I registered for my first ever half marathon, I was thinking about you? You should, because it’s the truth. You tweet all the time how much you love all of us & how you want to help all of us. So I’m just going to say that you help me, and you have helped me – and countless others – by your words, even though you may not know it.
XOXOXOXO, Tara. My love to you….
When you first posted your 100 chip goals and leaving something on your plate, a little voice in my head said, “some dumbass isn’t going to ‘get’ that”. And you know what… I don’t know what that dumbass’s name is… but she showed up! She showed up in your life as another barrier for you to climb. As another opportunity to use muscles you haven’t used yet to overcome. And she was placed in your life to make you work harder, because you deserve to be the STRONGEST. Because you ARE WORTH IT. BECAUSE YOU WERE DOING THE RIGHT THING FOR THE RIGHT REASON and because you are now being tested on it. I’m not highly religious, so I feel really weird saying something like this… but the greatest truths in the Bible were always tested and fought. You are right. You are worth it. Your journey will continue – and maybe even stronger when you know you have a tide of people here to support you. So maybe in some sick way – some ignorant person with no ability for reflection or an open mind… maybe she is there to help you by helping you realize you are not alone.
LOVE TO YOU…
Here’s me embarassed. I was so taken in by your hurt, Tara, that I did exactly what I’m condemning her for. I’m sorry to you for fueling the fire and I’m sorry to her for my words. I’ll try to breathe and reflect a bit longer before answering next time. XOXO
Tara’s blog is my favorite blog (in fact, it’s the only blog I’ve ever actually subscribed to) and I consider myself to be fortunate to be one of her readers. I’ve learned many things from her, as well as from many of you who comment regularly. I’m very thankful for that.
That beig said, I actually cringed a few times today when reading many of the very disparaging comments made today in “defense” of Tara. So many of the words used were beyond hurtful and disrspectful (especially some of the names the person was called), and I was not only disgusted by the way in which people reacted, but actually embarrassed to even be reading the words. It’s one thing to feel protective of someone and to offer encouragement and support; it is completely another to use verbally bash someone because they don’t share your opinion.
From my point of view, the person who tweated the message didn’t appear to be trying to be mean or hurtful — how many of the over-the-top commentors today can say the same thing? Words can hurt. And while we all don’t need to share the same opinions, get along, like each other, etc., it sure would be nice if people who participate in these forums (especially forums that are intended to improve the quality of lives) would take a minute to think of the impact of their words before they speak.
Well said! I agree. The comments in this post are an exercise in hypocrisy. There are better ways to show support for a friend and her emotional journey than by blinding criticizing someone like this.
[…] set out as a goal. I won’t lie to you: I’m still thinking about what transpired Saturday and that little voice was ready as soon as I began to doubt […]
I understand your frustration Tara, Food and me well we have a love hate relationship but thats not something I can explain in a blog comment. I support you all the way with your journey and only hope you conquer the battle that many of us face. All of our battles are unique in a way and at the same time they are the same, if that makes sense.
I do want to say I am shocked at some of the comments on here. You know most of us don’t know each others stories. I tell myself this often when it comes to the issue of people calling me “son”, people use that term alot here in the south. Most people dont know that my Dad died in my arms in a parking lot when I was 19 years old, he was all I had in this world. It really bothers me when people call me “son”, I have almost gotten into fights because of it. The only two people who deserve to call me son are my parents, period. But with time I realize most people dont know my story and most of the time they dont call me “son” in a negative light.
My point is we all have stories, I know the person who made the comments to Tara and I know she would never in a million years mean to hurt her in the way she felt hurt. I feel sad for the people who commented with nasty words and such claiming how dare she pass judgment when they themselves were doing the same thing.
Anyways just my 2 cents, Tara keep on keeping on.
Alan
It really made me sad reading the majority of the comments. Why can’t people disagree with out being RUDE? There’s no need to call someone horrible names and say “FUCK THEM” It really made me lose a lot of respect for some bloggers that I follow 🙁
I can respect your feelings on the situation, but to be honest … my first thought when reading about your emotional trama on food was “could she just cook less to help with the stress of left-overs?” That thought wasn’t trying to make less of your issues, it just seemed like a solution. I can see how this person maybe thought they could be offering you a helping hand. Why are we assuming she was doing that out of evil intentions?
I’m sorry that *both* of you felt so attacked and that now you’ve unleashed an extreme amount of hate on a person who’s on a personal journey just like most of us. I can only imagine what that felt like for her. For me, it would have triggered bad memories of growing up and being bullied 🙁 …. that’s what breaks my heart.
Tara,
I commend you for even taking the time to write your blog; it is amazing how some days you nail it right on the head for me. I couldn’t do what you are doing, period. It still amazes me how people swear that it is their right to say whatever the heck they want to people they don’t even know. This affects all of us in some way, shape or form in our daily lives. This is why I don’t even like email; there are no emotions in it and it is truly amazing how far off the mark people go sometimes…….. Again, I commend you; I most certainly could not do this. I wouldn’t even know what I would do at the first disparaging remark……..that’s why I read you. And yes, I do believe there are cultural differences; my mother is German and don’t even tell me there is no such thing as cultural differences. Didn’t most of our parents always tell us- if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing!